Why is self-love so important in your life? (Take this quiz to find out)

When I was a kid self-love was not something you heard about. Growing up in the 80’s in a middle-ish class British family, it was expected that you would be academically astute, career focused and productive in every aspect of your life. The pressure was on and that was considered a good thing. No-one talked about taking breaks or taking care of yourself. It was all about what you did in work and play. A strong contrast to today where even a 2nd grader can give you an informed explanation of self-love! There is so much of hype about self-love. Today it is not only the social norm, healthy self-love is known to be one of the keys to confidence and contentment in life. We automatically know that self-love is important.

However how often do you stop and think why is self-love important to you? I mean it’s all well and good the specialists, the coaches and psychologists and the non-specialists on the internet telling you self-love is important. If you never decide that self-love is something important for you, you will never take the conscious step to loving you. And in my world that is a sad state of affairs.

For me working with self-love affects 3 areas in my life. It strengthens my self-esteem, my self-power and my sense of security. The more empowered and loved I feel in these three areas the more content I feel in life. Now maybe that will be the same for you maybe not. However today I have one goal. And that is to help you find out why working with self-love is important to you here and now in your life.

So here for you is a little exercise to inspire you to get clear on why self-love is important in your life and which of the three areas you need to work on right now. It takes only a few minutes and it will be the catalyst for making your journey in life more wonderful, powerful and content. (Not bad for a few minutes thinking right?!)

Ask yourself the following questions (and write down your answers)

Self-esteem

  1. Do I feel loved in my life? YES/NO
  2. Do I feel confident? YES/NO
  3. Do I feel devastated if I fail? YES/NO
  4. Do others opinions of me matter more than my own? YES/NO
  5. Do I feel I deserve love? YES/NO
  6. Am I able to laugh at my own mistakes? YES/NO
  7. Do I like myself? YES/NO
  8. Do I think positively about myself most of the time? YES/NO
  9. Do I believe there is nothing about me that is loveable? YES/NO
  10. Do I change myself to make others like me? YES/NO

Answers:

  1. Yes= 1 No= 2
  2. Yes= 1 No= 2
  3. Yes=2 No=1
  4. Yes=2 No=1
  5. Yes=2 No=1
  6. Yes= 1 No= 2
  7. Yes= 1 No= 2
  8. Yes= 1 No= 2
  9. Yes=2 No=1
  10. Yes=2 No=1

If you have a low score you have high self-esteem. If you have a high score you have a low self-esteem

Self-love strengthens self-esteem by increasing your self-worth and your self-confidence. By working with self-love in this area you will learn to love yourself exactly as you are, seeing the value in you. You begin to dampen the internal negative judges and ultimately come to a place of acceptance and valuing yourself. In a life with high self-esteem, you are free to enjoy the experiences in life without wasting your energy on talking yourself down.

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Self-power

  1. Do I need praise and positive feedback to feel great about myself? YES/NO
  2. Do I feel I am worth good things in life? YES/NO
  3. Do I feel successful? YES/NO
  4. Can I do things as well as other people? YES/NO
  5. Do I feel I can overcome a crisis? YES/NO
  6. Am I very critical of myself and my abilities? YES/NO
  7. Do I make decisions based on other people’s opinions? YES/NO
  8. Am I easily discouraged? YES/NO
  9. Do I believe I can reach my goals? YES/NO
  10. Do I feel like a strong person? YES/NO

 

Answers:

  1. Yes=2 No=1
  2. Yes= 1 No= 2
  3. Yes= 1 No= 2
  4. Yes= 1 No= 2
  5. Yes= 1 No= 2
  6. Yes= 2 No=1
  7. Yes= 2 No=1
  8. Yes= 2 No=1
  9. Yes= 1 No= 2
  10. Yes= 1 No= 2

 

If you have a low score you have high self -power

If you have a high score you have a low self -power

Self -love strengthens self-power by empowering you. It creates resilience to handle challenges, belief in yourself to reach your goals and gives you strength and determination to continuously move forward in your life. Self-love work in relation to your self-power gives you an energy boost and a strength of spirit.

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Security

  1. Am I able to set clear personal boundaries? YES/NO
  2. Do I feel nervous when meeting strangers? YES/NO
  3. Do I find it easy to confront people? YES/NO
  4. Do I get nervous and unconfident when people criticise me? YES/NO
  5. Am I able to express my opinion easily? YES/NO
  6. Do my fears and inferiority stop me from doing what I want to do? YES/NO
  7. Do I feel I will succeed no matter what? YES/NO
  8. Do I need other people to make me feel safe? YES/NO
  9. Do I accept myself as I am? YES/NO
  10. Do I like to be alone? YES/NO

Answers:

  1. Yes= 1 No= 2
  2. Yes= 2 No=1
  3. Yes= 1 No= 2
  4. Yes= 2 No=1
  5. Yes= 1 No= 2
  6. Yes= 2 No=1
  7. Yes= 1 No= 2
  8. Yes= 2 No=1
  9. Yes= 1 No= 2
  10. Yes= 2 No=1

 

If you have a low score you have high sense of security in your life. 

If you have a high score you have a low sense of security in your life

Self love strengthens your security by simply making you less insecure within yourself and of your abilities. You become self sufficient. When you can make yourself feel safe you do not need to rely on anyone else because you know you are always there for you. Self-love focusing on creating security gives you a powerful foundation to take on the world and feel contentment with your life.

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So now you have an idea of why self-love is important in your life and hopefully which areas you want to focus upon. In the last month Re:Root has been focusing on the art of self love. Check out the links below to some of our most recent articles to find out how you can give yourself a much needed self-love boost today

HAve a beautiful week <3

#lifelesson101 – 9 steps to recreating your body image by honouring your body with self-love
#lifelessons101 – 5 incredibly powerful self love habits

An easy ABC guide to making self-love a daily practise

The 7 steps to Self love – the key to building a relationship with yourself.

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#life lessons 101 – 3 step process to take care of yourself and get things done when you are overwhelmed

Being an Entrepreneur can be overwhelming at time. Heck being human can be overwhelming at times too! No matter who you are some weeks are just harder than others and in the last week, I have been feeling overwhelmed by everything. And this feeling has some pretty nasty side effects if you allow them to run you ragged.

You know you are feeling overwhelmed when life is like a constant trip on the never-ending hamster wheel. The diary is full of things you have to do and you have no idea where the energy is going to come from. The smallest tasks become insanely difficult. The more you try the more you just want to curl up under the duvet and do nothing until it all goes away. And I am sure you know from experience At these times it’s easy to allow the negative feelings to take over. To feel nonproductive, useless, not as good as everyone else. The guilt cycle gets triggered and alongside the hamster wheel, the negative thought spiral creates a hurricane in your brain.  When you get there you are in the danger zone for a stress meltdown.

And the strange thing is that when we are in all of this mental and physical chaos the majority of us still carry on forging ahead in the storm. Why? Well, sometimes you have to. Students, for example, can’t get away from the exam deadlines. Brides can’t give up on the wedding plans when they have a month to go. And as an entrepaneur, you know the only way to succeed is to keep on going. So  when we are totally overwhelmed how can we stop hitting the meltdown danger zone whilst still carrying on?

Can it be done?

Yes!

I have found a way to do exactly that. It’s a 3 step process that will get you through these times and bring you out the other side with the minimum of damage. With a little conscious awareness and a few actions you can and will get through this and this weekend is the perfect time to start.

Minimise

There are things we have to do, need to do and want to do. And we only have 24 hours in the day. So in order to get stuff done, we have to minimise our expectations to get things to fit into the time we have. Minimising seems hard but it isn’t I promise you try this process

Hit the calendar – work out how long your busy period will be. Now in that period remove everything that is unessential. This does not mean just getting rid of the things you want to do. Delegate tasks that you have to do or postpone the non-immediate ones. Now look for some spaces where you can do self-care and block those in.

Use your spoons – if you are feeling overwhelmed you will have low energy. Spoons theory was created for patients with mental health challenges. However, I find that it is applicable to all of us. Especially when we are overwhelmed. The basic principle is that you have 10 spoons of energy in a day. You take 10 minutes to work out which are 1 spoon, 2 spoon, 3 spoon and 4 spoon tasks. So doing the washing might be a 3 spoon task, food shopping or work a 4 spoon task. Now the idea is that you have 10 spoons in one day. When you make your to-do list make do a quick analysis and allocate the spoons accordingly to your tasks.

So my day today looks like this:

  • Pædagogisk meeting – 2 spoons
  • Work – 4 spoons
  • Quick clean – 1 spoon
  • Washing 1 – spoon
  • Bbq with friends – 2 spoons

That’s all I can do. Anything else has to be either delegated or left for another day. It keeps my energy use in check. I also do the same process for work tasks and allow my self 10 work spoons for each work day. Using spoon theory minmises your day and will give you time to relax.

Routine routine routine- Follow a fixed routine for the weekly chores. Make a food plan for the week and shop once. Do your washing on the same day. Dedicate x amount of time to the children before bed. Force yourself into a routine and the chores will become habits. Then the habits take less of your energy and become easier to do.

Energise

When you are overwhelmed you need more than ever to recharge. So energising yourself where ever possible is really important. Eat well. Get your 7 – 8 hours sleep. Help your focus by using focus music. Do 10 minutes exercise or walkievery dayday. Give yourself blocks of time dedicated to self-care. That can be anything from a facemask, to a netflix binge. Anything that will give you a good amount of downtime. Make recharging a priority in these days and grab every opportunity for relaxation you can get. I know you might want to go out and party, or socialise every evening however if your body doesn’t work nothing will. Make taking care of you a priority when you are overwhelmed and you will have the energy to come out the otherside

Self-care and success

I love personal development and in a perfect world, I would have my hour a day dedicated to this. However, in the next 2 months, it’s just not an option. Yet without this, I don’t feel as though I am succeeding and growing in my life and my motivation and self-confidence goes downwards. The last thing I need in a period of overwhelmedness. A simple tool has really helped me to get over this problem. Everyday I ask myself:

  • How am I going to challenge myself today?
  • How am I going to take care of myself today?

I only dedicate one task as a challenge one task as self-care. Some days it can be as simple as go to work and read a book for 15 minutes, other days the actions are bigger. The success of achieving these two actions makes me feel as though I have climbed a gigantic mountain. Which is exactly the dopamine hit my tired and overwhelmed brain needs! Success is one of the best motivators. For me, this has been the best tool I have ever found to survive the feeling of being overwhelmed. Try this tool every day for a week and you will feel on top of the world!

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When using this 3 step process you take charge. By taking charge you are in control. And that in itself stops the feeling of being overwhelmed. I recommend if you like me have a busy 6-8 week period coming up then please please book yourself a few days r and r at the end of it. Recoup and recharge and you will avoid the meltdown danger zone. Above all take care of yourself and be conscious of how you are treating you at this time.

Have a great weekend <3

How will you challenge yourself today_How will you take care of yourself today_.jpg

 

 

 

 

#lifelesson101 – 9 steps to recreating your body image by honouring your body with self-love

As I sit here at the end of a week where my self-love is in focus I am surprised to find myself feeling sluggish and worn down. Surely I should be feeling energized and in my inner goddess? I was highly confused by this predicament until I began working on the coming new moon ceremony for our local women’s circle. The theme this month is honoring our body as a sacred temple. It was a Eureka moment! I realized that whilst I had been working on my mental self-love processes all week I had forgotten one very important element of self-love. Honoring my body.

Now we all know that body image crisis is a huge modern crisis today. Schools are filled with unsure teens with low self-confidence, numbers of people with eating disorders are on the rise and yet the fashion and image industry dominates all forms of media. It is insane. (Yes that is my professional opinion). However, it is not a new phenomenon. If you look at cultural propaganda, even in the stone age, we as a species promoted our idea of the perfect male and female form. (Only then for women bigger was better. Male body image fashions have always leaned towards the strong and muscley, which proves women are more consistent in their tastes!)

So if we have this inbuilt need as a species to define which body type is attractive at a particular point in time how then do we break with this cultural tradition and honor our bodies as beautiful. Just as they are. Not as how society tells us we should be. Wauw well that’s a can of worms to open and one that could keep us here all week. However, I believe there is a simple answer. Really I do. I believe that by taking small practical actions we can recreate our own body image, find a comfortable place where we can honor our beautiful form and be confident in our bodies despite the world telling us we should be different.

Now, this is not a process we can do overnight. We can’t wave a magic wand and hey presto you love your body. Honouring your body is a process that comes with practice and commitment. Small baby steps, that eventually become habits so familiar you do not notice them. If you are having body image issues and want to resolve them or like me you have simply forgotten to honour your body in the turbulence of a busy life here is a guide to those baby steps to recreating your body image through a practice of self-love.

Remove the outside negative voices

Time for a media detox. Body guilt often gets ignited due to media. If you subscribe to magazines that promote a body type you will never have, then get rid of them. You do not need to consciously or subconsciously compare yourself. Subscribe instead to magazines that nourish your soul. Minimise your social media input, cut back on feeds that you can feel set of your body image guilt.  And Talk back to your TV when you see commercials that use body image to sell products. Talk back to companies with your wallet by NOT buying said products. Buy products that nourish you and you feel good about. Turn off the ads. Remember media pushed body image guilt is just as unhealthy for you as a toxic relationship. When you stop feeding it, it cannot affect you.

Remove the internal voices

The internal negative body judge is in all of us. And it’s a battle to get it to shut up. However, it is possible. One of my favorite ways is when my mind says I don’t like …. I add but I do like…. Sometimes I need to write this down to reinforce the process, it works.

Compliment yourself in ways that have nothing to do with your looks. We tend to focus so much on what we see in the mirror and overlook our many other amazing qualities. Are you a good cook? A successful person? How about a warm, caring, friendly, or positive person? Make a list of 10 things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your looks.

A great way to change your thoughts is to change your passwords. Imagine typing in ilovemybody 20 times a day. The more you use it the more it sticks in your mind.

Ask your body for forgiveness

If we hurt a friend we apologise so why not do the same with your body? By apologizing to your body for ways you may have neglected or abused it, you communicate to your body genuine affection. Your body has a consciousness of its own and you can expand your body’s consciousness in positive ways by writing a letter of apology to it. Don’t get into your guilt, focus on responsibility for your actions.

Nourish where it’s needed

We often neglect parts of our body in our busyness. Think about how you shower. Your self care routine. Do you stand on your feet all day but don’t give your tired feet a foot bath or a massage? Do you work at a computer all day but forget to stretch out? Do you work outside and not mosturise your skin? A foot massage, mousterising or even stretching can take s 10 minutes out of your day max.  Nourish the parts of you that need it daily and you will feel reengerised and cared for.

Make self-care a regular thing

On the subject of care, how often do you do it? I have in the last few years got into the regular habit of self-care. A face mask, a hair mask, a trip to the sauna. (Gods I am grateful for the Scandinavian habit of having a sauna at every swimming pool!) I aim to do some physical self-care every 14 days and I feel great at the end. All rejuvenated and loved. Set some dates in your diary for your self-care days and treat your body as well as you would treat a loved one.

Bless your food

Honor your body by honoring your food. Take time before meals to be grateful for the food you are about to eat and the effect it will have on your body.  As you do this mindfully and positivity you will notice a calming inside of you as well as a feeling o. This honors your relationship with food, with your body, and with yourself. As well as gently making you conscious of what you are putting into you body and why you need it.

Dress to honour your body

Dress for the body you have today, not the body you will have or had before. You deserve to look and feel your best right now. Clean out your closet and donate all of the too-small , don’t wear anymore or used to wear clothes to others in need. Keep only the clothes that fit and flatter you and most importantly that make you feel good.

One of my favourite sayings is “What thoughts am I wearing today?” If you want people to be positive, treat you with the respect and value you for your true worth, then you need to show them how you love, respect and value yourself.

Look in the mirror as you dress in the morning. Ask yourself –

-What thoughts am I wearing today?

-What am I telling the world about me?

-What message do I want to send into the world today?

Show the world the beauty you see inside you, how much you value you, externally. You will find that people reflect it back to you. Dress  to honour the body and thoughts you have.

Treat your body with love

We all know that exercise and eating healthily is good for us. Personally, I suck at this. Mr. T is one of those uber healthy people that can avoid everything that is bad and do a lot of exercise. I am more of a Dawn French chocolate loving, duvet on the sofa kind of person. However, our bodies both deserve love and respect.  If you like me cringe at the thought of a gym and love the salty fattiness of Chips, then here is a trick that will help.

Listen to your body and make conscious choices. Eat when you are hungry. Eat until you know you are full and not more. Ask yourself if you are eating from physical need or emotional need, from habit or boredom? Importantly notice how you feel after you eat. If a certain food makes you feel bad then don’t eat it.

Similarly with exercise. Listen to you body. If you feel tired when lifting you need to build strength. If you are having back pain it is likely yoga and stretching will help. Stairs are hard work then you need some cardio. Find exercise forms that fit into your life and follow your needs. Change the focus of your exercise from I have to do this to be healthy to this is an act of gratitude to your body for it allowing you to be alive and experience life.

Thank your body every night

Before you go to sleep at night take a moment to check in with your body. If you like you can do a body scan. Thank your body for being there for you. It could be you say something like. ‘I am grateful to my heart for pumping my blood around my body’, ‘I am grateful to my lungs for breathing in oxygen’. Or you can be more general. Just take a moment to recognise what you body has done for you today and be grateful

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Honouring your body will recreate your self-image to one filled with love and beauty for your physical form. Remember without that form you would not be here. It is your responsibility to take care of it. Not in the way society tells you to but in the way you know to be right for you. Treat your body with respect and it will respect you, and so will other people.

So the question remains, how will you honour your body today?

Let me know in the comments

Have a lovely weekend <3

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#lifelessons101 – 5 incredibly powerful self love habits

This week has all been about self-love for me and my clients. We have been committing to the act of loving ourselves and making that our primary focus of our week. It’s been amazing and I do feel filled with confidence, empowered and in that pink hazy bubble of love you get in a relationship, the only difference is that this time it is with myself!

Over this week we have been trying different practices. Simple, easy and practical actions we could take to strengthen our self-love. And the results are in! Here are the most powerful 5 self-love habits that you can practice to connect with the powerful and magical force which is loving yourself.

Changing that negative dialogue

That voice inside of your head that keeps telling you that you are no good. That voice needs to go. But how? One of my clients this week had great success with a written exercise that drowned out the negative voices into nonexistence in only a week!

She carried a small notebook wherever she went and as soon as her brain said I am not good at…. She wrote in her book 2 sentences.

I am not good at …………………….. But I am good at ……………………………

The things she was good at, did not have to be gigantic things. So, for example, a sentence could be;

I am not good at sales but I am good at helping my colleagues

I am not good at dancing but I am good at baking.

Quick simple and very ,very effective.

Be proud

Ohhh. Not many of us find it easy to be proud of ourselves. Others, yes. Ourselves, no way. So I challenge you to try this. Every day write down in a notebook 2-3 things you are proud of yourself of. It doesn’t have to be huge. Maybe you went to work even though you felt ill. You did the washing up when you wanted to sit and do nothing. Or it could be something big too. In your journal write out each sentence within full – e.g.

I am proud of myself today for……………………..

Being proud of ourselves gives us a little dopamine hit (similar to the feeling of leveling up in a game). A little positivity boost to brighten your day and your self-love at the same time.

Make time for yourself important

On the todo list what we really want to do (and often what we really need ends up at the bottom of the list). You make your partner, your kids, your work important, without you none of this could work. So why not make yourself important too. Setting time aside for your day and planning how you will use that time is really important. I find that making one evening or a couple of hours for self-care a weekly activity is a beautiful way to show yourself some love and give yourself so need r and r.

Daily self-love worksheet

My new favorite thing! Jessica Mullen made this wonderful concept. It is a great way to start or end the day by being kind and loving to yourself. I would highly recommend doing this every day it takes 5 mins and is an amazing self-love booster.

http://jessicamullen.com/2011/02/19/the-daily-self-love-worksheet/

Love letter to yourself

We all love reading letters (especially as letters that are not bills are so rare these days). On the 1st May every year I write myself a love letter. And then I read it out loud. It always starts “Dear Emma-Jane” and it always ends “I will always be here for you. I love you

Writing and reading yourself is incredibly powerful and moving. I would be lying if I said I had never cried during this process. When you write to yourself you know exactly what it is you want someone who loves you to say and then you say it.

If you could write yourself a letter, what would you tell yourself?

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When you hold yourself in high esteem, you tend to have more enjoyment and a more positive attitude toward the future. And so do the people around you. When you love yourself, you accept yourself. You take pride in yourself.  And other people will too. Self-love not only feeds your soul, but your spirit, and emotional well-being. And most importantly it frees you up from the negative extra weight low confidence brings, allowing you to do, be and have whatever you want from life. Try one of these today and I guarantee you will want to do one tomorrow because they feel great!

Have a beautiful weekend <3

 

Love yourselffirst andeverything else falls into place.jpg