#lifelessons101 Stop and smell the flowers

After all the hustle and bustle of the start of the year here we are at the Easter weekend. It’s been an amazing 3 months here at Re:Root with the launch of the Re:Root Coaching Solutions, prepping for the new radio show, as running up and down country teaching and coaching. I have loved it. And I am also exhausted and in need of a break. Although thanks to one very important life habit I have I am not as exhausted as I could have been. It’s what Mr. T calls stopping and smelling the flowers.

The idea is simple and easy to do and won’t cost you a penny. Stopping and smelling the flowers is about just taking a moment to stop and notice things in life. Children do this instinctively. For them, the world is a place of wonder and marvel. Yet as adults we lose that fascination with the world we live in. We become blasée. Seen it all before, done it all before and we are far too busy. We even teach this to our children rushing them along to playschool, playdate not giving them the time to marvel. It’s such a shame. And such a waste. Because by taking a moment to look up and appreciate the world around us can give us such an energy boost. A moment of recharge in an otherwise busy life.

I love to look for the little things that make life beautiful. The light dancing on the water of the fjord, a bird of prey hovering above a field and the fresh shoots and plants emerging right now in the spring. Every year the same and every year different. When you begin to look for it the world is full of beautiful moments. Here is a list of my favorite ways to look for the special moments in life. The bits that make every day a gift and boost my spirits no matter what. Why not take a moment this Easter to look for the special moments around you in life and take a moment to enjoy the gift you have of your life

Take the train

When we travel by trains we get to see the world a new. Train tracks travel the country differently to the motorways. They provide us with a different viewpoint on life (And often a sneaky peak into peoples back gardens!)

Look up at the clouds

Do you remember looking for pictures in the clouds as a child? I loved this game. As an adult, we forget to exercise the muscle of imagination. Practice next time you are waiting for the bus and see what you can see passing by above you in the wind.

People watching

I love this. People are the most interesting form of entertainment. If you have the time order a drink in a cafe, sit outside or by the window and watch the world go by. If you don’t have time for a long break then enjoy people watching at work, on the bus, in the supermarket.

Smile at babies and say hi to dogs

Babies have the most beautiful smiles. Playing peek a boo with a baby in the supermarket queue can’t help bring a smile to your face. Equally greeting dogs or cats (depending on your preference) gives a comfort and joy.

Look for nature’s beauty

Fill your life with nature’s beauty. Have lunch in the park instead of a restaurant. Walk to work through the park. Get outside the world is full of beautiful things we just have to find them. Take a moment to sit on a bench and look at the trees, the birds, it really is amazing to see how much life there is around us that we hardly ever see.

Pick flowers

The world is a different place as a child as we spend more time with our nose closer to the ground. As an adult, this is rather hard. However, picking flowers will bring us back there again. Of course, make sure you are allowed to pick them and if nothing else make a daisy chain. Get in contact physically with nature just by lying on the grass and you will find that life feels amazing again. (Personally, I love to climb trees but do make sure it’s in a place where you are allowed!)

Watch a sunset

I love sunsets and sunrises. Although these days I tend to see more sets than rises. Find out when sunset is, find a good viewing point. Pour yourself a glass of something nice and sit and enjoy.

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There are a million and one ways to stop and smell the flowers. These are just a few I love but I hope  you take the time to find your own and fill your life with the energy-boosting moments that make life even more wonderful

Happy Weekend <3

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Stopping the destructive argument spiral and find solutions quickly

Who among us enjoys having arguments? Not me, not anyone I imagine. However, unfortunately, they are part of the human condition.  To fight is part of human nature. We can’t escape that fact. Arguments whether at home or at work often follow the same pattern. The tension starts to rise, responses start to get personal, and you go around in circles without getting anywhere. Even though we don’t like arguments it is easy to get caught up in them and when we do we lose sight of the bigger the picture. The solution.

Recently in our social circle, there have been a lot of minor conflicts. The sort that can really spiral out of control, get ugly and break up friendships. At first, Mr. T and I got drawn in. Our emotional buttons were pressed and it got personal really quickly. Luckily we caught ourselves in the spiral and through openly dialoguing together we managed to stop the destructive argument spiral and fast track to creating a solution and end the argument. The result? A slightly shaken friendship, which still exists, an agreed-upon way forward and no major wounds on both sides.

As we went through this process it seemed to reflect in our wider world and we noticed both my clients and even our family members were struggling with arguments and conflicts. Each case had two common elements:

  • Personality and values clashing
  • A breakdown in communication due to emotional triggers

Basically, everyone was fighting from an emotional standpoint, not a rational logical approach. Everyone was taking it personally which no-one could think rationally. And if you can’t think rationally then the solution will always seem impossible.

So how do you fast track to a solution and get out of the destructive argument spiral when your buttons get pressed?  The answer is simply by a little personal reflection and mature action you can from A to C and avoids B (the bolloxs) relatively quickly.

Stop

When you get into an argument and you can feel it is starting to get out of control the most important thing you can do is to stop. Take a step back and breathe. In an argument situation, your blood pressure rises, your breathing and heartbeat increases and your body fills with stress hormones. The fight and flight mechanism kicks in and messes with your immune system. Not to mention your whole body goes tense, neck, back, and shoulders, as well as your teeth, get clenched. Needless to say that in order to think rationally you need to retake charge of your body and calm it down. And this takes time. Give yourself at least 15 minutes to calm down so you can move from the fight into solution.

What buttons are being pressed?

Now you’ re feeling calmer have a look at what buttons are being pressed. When Mr. T and I were in the argument with our friend we looked at how the situation was affecting us emotionally. We investigated which of our previous dramas were being activated. For example, in our situation for Mr. T, his honor was being called into question. The reason this provoked him was due to an incident from his childhood, so he was reacting to that.  So what drama, insecurity is this provoking in you?

And most importantly is it real? Does the person you are arguing with really think you are an idiot, or is it your insecurities that tell you that you are stupid and this person is triggering that in some way?

Which of your values is being tested?

Now it is important to look at your moral standpoint and see which of your core beliefs are being (for want of a better word) attacked? What is the line being crossed? Can you see from the argument where your values and the other person’s values are opposed? What could be the acceptable compromise for you?

What is this person reflecting to you?

In life, other people are our emotional mirrors. We send out a reflection and people unconsciously respond to the at the reflection and send out their own. This is most clearly obvious with someone we dislike. When we dislike something about someone else it is actually because they are reflecting a picture of something we dislike in ourselves. You cannot ever do something about someone else behavior however you can change your own. If you don’t like what this other person is reflecting then change it in you. Also by using this technique, you can see what you are triggering in the other person. Think about what would you need and how you would like to be treated in this situation and handle them accordingly.

Look at the communication style

How have they and you been communicating? Defensively or openly? Are they, or you, throwing insults? Or have they or you been attacking? Is it possible you or they have miscommunicated? Have you been clear enough? If a person is constantly attacking you in an argument, that is their stuff. You can’t do much about it however you can not respond. Feeding anger will just start another spiral. Decide how you want to communicate with them. Look again at what you want to reflect.

Choose how to move forward

Now before you rejoin the conversation decide how you want to move forward. What is the outcome you want and where is there room for compromise? Do you have anything you feel you should apologise for? Plan your conversation. Often argument resolution is best in a written format, that way you can double check what you have written and remove potential triggers. Moving forward means acknowledging the damage, showing the other person you have heard their opinion and focusing on the solution. As much as possible removing the emotion from your response. If you can’t write your response then I would recommend noting down a few bullet points to help keep you focused.

Don’t feed the fire

Now while you have been doing this reflection it could be that the person you are arguing with has worked themselves up into a frenzy and is ready for round 2. It is your responsibility to not feed the fire. An argument can only continue if two people want the conflict. You want a solution so stick to that. Make your suggestion for a solution in a respect and calm way. If the other person responds by attacking step out of the dialogue. Keep an eye on what you are reflecting out to the other person. Are you showing them how you would like to be treated? Above all maintain your dignity. To feel peaceful about the conflict you need to come away knowing that you have acted in the best way possible and feel proud of yourself.

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Arguments are never an easy part of life. By using these techniques you are taking responsibility for your actions and for finding the solutions. It can take a while to learn (I am by no means a master..yet). However once mastered you will find that conflict and arguments become minimal in your life and above all you can feel proud of yourself knowing that you have done your best to make amends and move forward. And that my friends is half the battle

Have a great week <3

 

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#lifelessons101 Bringing balancing to your life with the Spring Equinox

It’s finally spring! Even though you might not be feeling it where you are in the world, however with the Spring Equinox we are now officially shifting into the warmer part of the year. (So hang on there it is coming).  Equinox is one of the most powerful points in the solar journey of the year. A time where day and night become equal. A point of light and dark balanced. The moment just before the world bursts into life and the winter becomes a distant memory. Just take a moment when you are outside to look at the trees, the buds are opening, in the air even through the ice and the wind you can smell spring is here.

Equinox comes at the end of the tumultuous weeks at the end of winter. For me, the three days surrounding the Spring equinox is always a turbulent journey. As the day and night grow closer to balance point which is equinox I experience both the Ying and the Yang of my life. And then comes equinox that moment of calm after the storm. It brings a renewal of energy the proverbial spring in my step which just makes everything just a little bit easier.  When you work with nature spiritually or physically this journey is very clear. If you don’t make the passing of the seasons in your life just think back over the last 2 weeks. Can you see it? Often people find when looking back before the equinox (21st March) that they were struggling, challenged or simply just a worn out. And then after the equinox, they experience a surge of energy or a feeling of light relief. The challenges are still there but are not so bleak.

Equinox energy is a great revitaliser.  If at no other point in the year this(and autumn equinox) is the time where you can access a point of balance in your life. A moment of zen in harmony with the planet you are living on. It’s the time to bring yourself out of hibernation and give yourself a boost of spring energy.

Cleansing

Over the winter we tend to batten down the hatches, hibernating indoors. Now I don’t know how it is in your home but in our’s the winter journey builds up a lot of clutter.  No matter how much I intend to keep on top of it by Spring Equinox everything needs a good shaking up and clearing out. Spring Cleaning is a worldwide tradition and for me is a very practical hands-on way of cleansing my own energy. As we tidy up around us we tidy up on our insides too.

However, cleansing doesn’t just have to be about cleaning and clearing out the home, or the office, or in my case every handbag I have used over the winter. I tend to feel physically gunky after winter and in need of freshening up. Spring cleaning can also be a cleansing of the body. A sauna, a detox, a facemask, a sweat lodge, or a white sage smudging are powerful ways of cleansing the body both physically and spiritually. Choose what works for you. Even simply opening the windows can bring a freshness back into your life and help you to awaken with the spring.

Balancing

So after clearing away the winter, it’s time to rebalance. Like with cleansing there are many ways you can do this. I love to balance my chakras at Equinox. If you would like to try you can try this chakra visualization to get you started.

Another great way to rebalance is to take the time to check in with your life balance and see where you are out of kilter. An easy tool to use is a wheel of life. This gives a really quick visual guide to where you are right now in your life, what is going well, what is not and if you are balanced. If you want a more in-depth look then Re:root offers a life quality assessment coaching session where you gain both insight and guidance to rebalance your life.

Ultimately if you want to balance yourself then one of the best things you can do is give yourself a break. Luckily the Easter holidays are just around the corner and the majority of us will be getting some time out. Now I know we all tend to cram Easter weekend full of activities however you need to get in touch and wind down too. So for your own sake make some time for a timeout. Wind down and step off the merry go round for one day. Nothing will make you feel refreshed like a day without responsibility and pressure.

Moving forwards

Spring equinox brings balance however it also brings with it a call to action. Energetically it is a time to become active and inspired. After you have had your moments of zen it’s time to move forward with the spring. Take the time at Spring Equinox to choose 3 personal goals that you are going to set into action after the break. Get inspired to take your balance forward make the three goals reflect different aspects of your life. For example, pass my exam, go on holiday with my girlfriend and boost my self-confidence. It’s a great idea to have one of your goals focusing on you as a person (not you as a mum or you as a boss). Put your goals where you can see them and do a little something each day on one of your goals.

Get outside. Nothing gives us a boost like sunlight. Whenever you can get in contact with sunlight. The more rays you catch the happier you will feel and your energy levels will rise. Another great way is to simply open the windows and allow new air into your space when you feel in need of the spring boost. A fresh oxygen supply clears the brain and boosts the spirit.

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Taking the time to connect with the equinox energy by balancing yourself and stepping into the spring consciously will be the best revitalizing gift you will give yourself this year. And the great thing is unlike a spa holiday you don’t have to pay through the nose to do it! I hope this inspires you to go out and find a zen moment for yourself this weekend and awaken in the new light of the spring

Have a happy weekend <3

Sometimes you just need to step outside, get some air

Creating boundaries quickly

This morning I had a melt down. (Yes this does happen to life coaches too). It wasn’t a big one and considering how busy this last week has been, it was unsurprising. The primary cause was simple too many people needing too much from me. I know you can relate. There are some points in life where everyone seems to need help. It’s over loading. You of course want to help people, you are a nice person. However it’s possible that you can say yes a few to many times or even catch yourself helping before you have even agreed to it or even been asked. And when you are doing that for too many people you forget yourself and your own needs and priorities and that is when a melt down is on the horizon

In this week alone I have over 20 people I know who have requested my assistance outside of my work role, and something has got to give. It’s time for me to return to one my 2018 personal goals making and maintaining healthy boundaries quick!

So if you like me are feeling overstretched by all the people around you here is my guide to recentering and creating healthy boundries when you need them quickly.

Recenter

If you don’t recenter within yourself you can’t make any decisions that are right for you. Take some away from everyone. Even if that means hiding in the bathroom at home or work with some headphones on. Take deep breaths. Try a meditation. A mindfulness body scan. Going to your happy place, physically or mentally. Take a walk or go to the gym. Step away from the social media. Simply reconnect with your body for a minimum of 5-10 mins,  however that works for you.

Choose your interactions with people

There will somethings you cannot get out of. We all have responsibilities to other people we can not drop or are time specific right now. These are your priorities right now. Explain to anyone who does not fit into these two categories that you are simply not in a place able to help them at the moment. You don’t need to make a big long excuse. Just explain that your cup is too full right now and that it is not personal.

Find out how much you can give

You can only help someone to a certain point. What is that point? Truthfully. Decide what you can give and what your cannot. This is your boundary within your priorities. I have so much going on this week that I simply cannot do the house cleaning or spend a huge amount of time helping with a friend wedding crisis. I have stripped these things down to the minimum. A few hours dedicated to my friend and simplified the cleaning.

Ask for support

If you have two conflicting priorities that take up equal time and energy then you need help. So if you have a colleague who is struggling with preparing a presentation that affects your department and work life  which means you have to stay late. And at the same time you have a child who needs you to support them at the next game in the same week. You need to call in some help. Can your partner or Mum feed your child and take them to the game so you can meet up later? Is there someone else in your department that can help you two so the work gets done quicker? Networks are there to help us so use them

Decide on the consequences ahead

So what do we do if anyone pushes our boundaries (because they will)? Decide what the consequences are before. I have a friend right now who has a project I really want to support however due to her inconsistent behaviour it is taking alot of my time and energy. Now I have set a boundary for how much and when I can help. If that gets broken I have decided on the consequences should she break our agreement. It has made me already feel more peaceful and focused.

Don’t apologise for setting boundaries

You don’t need to apologise for setting boundaries. Boundaries mean you are respecting yourself and the people around you. You don’t need to explain why or feel bad about not being there. You cannot give help when you don’t have the energy to take care of yourself.  The people that really like and respect you will understand.

Say what you mean and mean it

Once you have set a boundary, communicate it clearly and follow through with it. You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships. So walk your talk. And don’t change your boundaries because someone pressures you or gets offended. That is their stuff. My Mum had a really hard time respecting my boundary of not calling me during working hours when I work from home. However with respectful kind consistency she eventually got it. A sign on my home office door allows Mr T to know when to disturb me and when not to.

Stop getting drawn in

We are our worst enemies for getting drawn into other people’s situations at the cost of our own energy levels. Often someone who wants your help will reach out in a way that is not directly asking for it and we start to create opinions and jon the conversation. Before we know it we are helping. If you find a conversation with another person about a situation you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with is affecting you emotionally, the chances are that you have gotten drawn in. Withdraw. Respectfully. Sometimes you can do this without clearly marking the boundary. Just by not responding. Sometimes you have to be more clear.

Find your energy bombs

Some friends and family are energy bombs. They just cheer up the world. The same with some activities. Some things just make us happy. When you feel that you are in need of creating boundaries you are also in need of energy. Dedicate a little time to giving yourself the boost of energy you need.

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These techniques are something you have to practise and are the quick fix to creating boundaries. Some of these principals do also work in creating more permanent boundaries however I can highly recommend doing some google fu when you have the time and energy and reassess the boundaries you create or need to create in your life. Setting boundaries is a powerful way to practise both self love and respect. And we all need a little bit more of that!

Have a great week <3

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#lifelssons101 – How to persevere despite it all?

Another brilliant mind left the world this week as many mourn the death of Professor Stephen Hawkins. And I assume that your social media like mine has been exploding with memories of his incredible achievements, quotes and above all his lifelong battle and astounding success with his illness and subsequent disabilities. It’s inspiring. To see perseverance in the face of such hopelessness, reminds us that we can achieve no matter who we are and what we face.

And of course Proffessor Hawkins is not the only person to have persevered despite it all. There are hundreds, if not thousands of stories in the world where people have overcome amazing difficulties, challenges and situations and persevere to create something wonderful.

From Joan of Arc, to JK Rowling, JIm Carey, Chris Gardner, Audrey Hepburn, BIll Gates, Oprah, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Einstein, Edison, Walt Disney, my Great Grandma. The list is endless. But what is it that all of these people have incommon? What is it that makes their stories the hardship to success stories that we love? In min opinion it is their stubborn, bull headed, determination perseverance.

The power of perseverance is a gift for humanity and one we can all tap into. It is not some magic thing that the above mentioned have that  we don’t. Perseverance is something they have learned to turn on and the great thing is we can do it too. Why? Because perseverance is actually a basic part of human biology.  Which means we can tap in to the physical and mental processes that help us overcome adversity in whatever form it enters our lives.

Physically according to Neuroscience dopamine, the a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers (our internal happy drug)  is the fuel that keeps people motivated to persevere. And the great news is that you have the power to increase your  personal production of dopamine by changing attitude and behaviour!

Mentally perseverance is about the power of pushing yourself when you have nothing left to give. The Finish have a word for this. Sisu. Roughly translated “Sisu is the concept of taking action in the face of significant adversity or challenge. It is not so much about achievement as it is about facing your challenges with valor and determination.” Sisu is your mental strength, your tenacity that allows you to bear your responsibilities whatever they are. It is the ability to sustain your action and fight against extreme odds.

If you are feeling overloaded here are some great ways to help you persevere and overcome in the face of adversity.

Deal with the practicals

Whenever I have hit adversity in my life my first point of call is to deal with the practical side of things. No matter what is happening in your life the sun will still come up tomorrow and you will need to eat, have an income, brush your teeth. These things may seem like huge milestones. I have always found that when I have been hit hard the first thing I need to do is make a short term survival plan and focus on that. Step by step. Being able to wash up, cook food and even have a shower when the world is crumbling around is a small success.  Successes create dopamine and give us a feeling of control no matter what.

Look for the meaning

If you can understand something you can do something about it or accept it. By looking for the teaching in any situation we get clarity and a ha moments. By getting clear in a bad situation you pull yourself out of your “panic” reaction to the adversity and that helps you take control of the stress and ultimately calm yourself. If you can’t find a meaning yet you have to trust that there is one and eventually it will become clear.  

Failure is an event not an identity

Many people allow their failure, their trauma or their situation to become their identity. It is not. To help increase your sense of perseverance and help you engage, to keep moving forward. Did Hawkins allow his illness to become his identity. No. He then himself into his work and allowed that to become his identity. So recognise that this adversity is simply an event in your life, it is not who you are.

Keep your eyes on the prize

Persevering means sometimes you need to get a form of tunnel vision. Zoom in on the prize. It might be something as simple, it might be something huge. Whatever it is you have to achieve go for it. With determination it is possible to achieve anything. Whenever you feel unsure ir doubt your ability to overcome or succeed go and look at the stories of others that have managed. Let their stories inspire you. Persevering means overcoming our personal limiting fears. Remember that bravery is not the absence of fear it is have a fear and doing it anyway despite of your fear.

Keep your dopamine up

Through exercise, laughter, music, achieving tasks these things give you dopamine. If you are having a hard time persevering then make sure you have a focus on creating increased levels of dopamine. Your body is your engine and you can’t persevere if you don’t take care of it. So if you are feeling overwhelmed get back to basics, sleep, eating right. Get your body moving and you will find that it gets easier and easier to persevere. Make time to do things that are good for and things that you enjoy and it will lighten your load.

Find your Sisu

 Sisu extends beyond perseverance. It is the final push in the face of adversity which means we carry on even when the odds are against us.  Finding your Sisu means you have to dig deep. Look through your personal history and identify the times where you have used your Sisu. What is it that made you carry on and get that job, get over that break up? Whatever it was you faced and pushed through how did you do it? What was your motivation. We have all used our Sisu before. Tap into that determination use it to spur you onwards.

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Persevering is one of the toughest things we have to do as humans. However as with Professor Hawkins life shows it is possible to make a powerful life no matter what the circumstances. As Julie Andrews says” Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.” So keep going allow your sisu to lead you, your dopamine to motivate you and above all remember to look for the beautiful moments that make the journey from adversity to overcoming one of the most worthwhile experiences of you entire life.

Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet

How and when do you feel most alive? Connecting with your soul

This weekend I heard what is now one of my most favourite quote “I am a spirit having a human experience”. You might think that sounds like a lot of hippie mumbo jumbo, however bear with me and I’ll explain. What this means is that I am not a human body that happens to have has a spirit or a soul, it means I am a spirit or a soul that lives within a human body. I know mind blowing logic right?!

We all know that we have a soul living inside our body, but how often are we reminded of it? How often do we take the time to experience it and appreciate it? How often do we connect with it. I am lucky and have been given the gift of being aware of my soul, connecting and experiencing how it feels to be myself beautifully on the inside. It really is one of the most powerful and healingpractises I have found. And reality it is really very simple. When I make the time for it! In a nutshell I just have to take the time, be conscious and look inside myself. Beyond the mundane daily life and roles. Beyond the fears and the doubts, the stresses and worries. Right there in the center of my body isthis beautiful, illuminating spirit or soul. The same lust for life and energy I had from the moment I stepped into my body. It is empowering to connect with.

 

Connecting with my soul, my authentic self is one of the most powerful things I have ever experiences. You know the illustrious authentic self that everyone talks about. Well this is it. And I can only describe it as feeling alive. Feeling so full of life that it feels as though I would burst. And the great thing is this part of me (and of you) is there all the time. Even when we feel stressed, bogged down or just got out of bed on the wrong side our aliveness is still there deep inside our body.  The ultimate medicine is right inside the core of us. And is as easily accessible as the oxygen we breath.

But how do we do this? How do we connect with our soul. As I said before it is actually quite simple. The connecting at least. The challenging part is to remember it in the midst of our daily lives.  It is a big journey starting with a small step. It is not something I am a master at however here is a introductory guide of how to initiate this connection within yourself and guidelines on how to maintain that connection daily.

Remember and realising

Remembering and realising is the act of remembering you are a living being. YEs you biologically grew as an organism in your mother’s womb. However this is not the be all and end all of being alive. Our spirit, our soul is the part of us that choose to be us. That makes us who we are. It is our own special spark in life and is only here as long as we are. Remembering and realising is the first step.

Consciously connecting with your soul

So now you have remembered it is there you need to check in. Close your eyes and breath deeply in and out. Begin to search within. Some of you may see a minds eye picture, a colour or feel a strong emotion. I was guided to find a light within the center of my body however I think it’s best to find your own picture, Keep searching until you feel the connection (a bit like a charger connecting with a phone). Hold that feeling and allow it flow through your entire body. (In my meditation it was the light filling the body, but again your own instinct is best). When you feel full of this feeling. Take some deep and slow breaths. Slowly allow your awareness to come back to the room you are in. Move your fingers and toes and when you are ready open your eyes. Feels great right? Connection is the second step.

Notice when you unconsciously connect with your soul

Now you know how it feels to connect with your soul. that feeling of ultimately being alive, you can now see where you have unconsciously connect with your soul in your everyday life. Think about when and how you feel most alive. Make a list starting each sentence with ‘I feel most alive when…..’ Personally when I did this I was amazed at how often I connected with my soul. When I dance, when I love, when I draw and when I write, as well as when I laugh and practise gratitude, also when I grieve. It is amazing how many moments in our life where we are connected and experience life without being aware. Noticing when you unconscious connect with your soul is the 3rd step.

Practising the habit of connection

Now you know how to connect the trick is for this to become a habit. That you can consciously connect whenever you want to. To live from a place of being connected and aware of your soul. I have been advised to connect with my soul every day. As I awaken and set my intention throughout the day. And then to return to that connection throughout the day. And that seems logical enough to me. Connecting and stepping into my authentic self every day. However I can’t help also thinking about how often I unconsciously connect with my soul and I wonder that maybe giving myself the opportunity to do that more often might also support me to live from this conscious and alive place. SO I believe that by connecting daily AND doing more of the things that enable me to connect will grow this habit. So practising the habit of connection is the 4th step.

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You may be wondering why is it important to connect with your soul and live consciously connected well I can only offer my opinion here. Living in connection with my soul, as I see it my purest connected self gives me the opportunity to experience life to the max everyday. It brings me intense joy, and makes me appreciate constantly the gift which is my life. And when you live a life where you appreciate each moment, your life’s journey is truly a beautiful thing. So I challenge you all to go out today and  connect with your soul and find out how and when you truly feel most alive. Then simply enjoy it.

HAve a great week <3

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#lifelesson101 – Tolerance level running low? How to deal with idiots when you just don’t want to.

OMGs this week has been a lesson in coping with idiots. And although I need to release I won’t go into details(Damn work ethics grrrr!) Now I know that when it comes to dealing with idiots the first place is to look in side and take responsibility for your responses, yada yada yada. However some days, or in my case week, you just need the quick fix to dealing with idiots before you blow a blood vessel. Or in other words you need tools to help you deal with idiots when you just don’t want to.

If you are at bursting point and need some release here is my #101 survival guide to get you through those days without ending up on a manslaughter charge.

Is the person you are dealing with a jerk or an idiot?

You have to decide is the person you are dealing with an idiot – those lovely, well-intentioned people that don’t seem to have a clue what they’re doing. Or a jerk – the people who are difficult to deal with, stubborn and always wrong. You will need to deal with the person in different ways an idiot may not understand your frustration and a jerk will enjoy and aggravate your anger.  So you have to make a quick decision to know how to handle the situation and respond accordingly.

Deep breath and count to 10

I know, it’s hard to do however you need to do it. I personally find that doing the counting out loud helps me. Similarly it also signifies to the other person they need to stop talking and allow you a moment to gather your thoughts.

Be honest

Explain that you have A: A crap day or B: a low tolerance filter today. Be honest if a conversation is not working for you ask to speak to someone else. (customer service representatives are the typical people that spring to mind in this scenario).

Time out

Politely let them know that you need a break and take it. Take a time out. Walk away.Hang up. You don’t need to justify a time out. Just explain you need it and take it. 5 mins for you to calm down and then return with more energy and clarity to deal with the challenge.

The put off

You are not always this intolerable some days idiots are easier to cope with. So put the conversation on pause until you can cope without exploding.

Release your frustration

No, not at the other person. Although satisfying in the short term, it wil always create further issues. However you do need to get the frustration out. Physical training is great for this, so get down the gym. Not possible then an easier alternative is screaming into a pillow. Or 5 star jumps. In rare cases I find an old china thing (which is easily replaceable) make sure no one else is around and then smash it. Of course I clean it up afterwards. Sometime you just need a quick accessible release. (If you are having a day where you are having low tolerance issues release the frustration before you come home so you don’t let it go at a poor unsuspecting loved one.)

The pillow fort

If you tolerance is not improving and you feel that you are being surrounded by more and more idiots, then truth be told the issue is most likely to be you. You are possibly worn out, physically or emotionally. Idiots increasing around us is generally a good sign that you are not functioning properly. There are simply not that many idiots in the world and you are not magnetic enough for them all to be drawn to you at the same point in time. If you find the idiot numbers are rising and your tolerance is lessening it is time to take the ultimate time out. The pillow fort. Actual or metaphorical, the pillow fort manoeuvre means it’s time to get out of doge, barricade yourself somewhere safe and cosy and recover. My own pillow fort maneuver can be the mild version where I retreat to computer games and facemasks and sleep to the severe where I retreat to bed with an army of supplies, telephone is switched off and I proceed by building a pillow fort and staying there for 24 hours. A tactical retreat is sometimes exactly what the body and soul needs to reboot tolerance levels and regain normal composure.

It’s Over

A friend taught me this wonderful trick. She found that her and her partner used to get into huge rows when telling about their horrible days. He would try and find solutions, she wouldn’t felt herd. It was an akward spiral. Then they found the ‘it’s over’. Quite simply when you ask each other how the day was you say ‘ It’s over’ your partner will know it has been challenging. Maybe you will talk about it later. However by using the ‘It’s over’ you don’t bring all the rubbish home with you. It gets left behind with your suit. And brings you into de stress so much quicker.  A much needed thing after a day with idiots in it.

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Running out of tolerance is as I said before a sign that the body or mind needs a break. So when the world is full with idiots and you are at the end of your tether listen to what the universe is telling you and take a break. Luckily you can do exactly that this weekend so make the most of it and take care of yourself. There maybe idiots waiting for you to deal with them on monday but with a little r and r you will find you have much more energy to work with them and will be surprised at how idiotic they really are when you are back on form again.

Take care of you (I know I will be taking care of me) this weekend – Have fun <3

If you are interested in holistic life coaching with RE:Root follow this link to find out more about the oppertunites for you to live the life you want

Sometimes you have to close your eyes (2)

Evaluating your successes – seizing opportunity for personal growth

This weekend I attended a workshop about improving your mentality and the one point that has really stuck in my mind is the idea of evaluating our success. We are used to the concept of evaluating failures as a tool for learning and growth. In business and in education we use evaluation and analysis of a project to determine future actions. But how often do we do this within our own lives?

Often when we have a success the euphoria of that success is our strongest emotion and memory. And rightly so. Success deserves to be celebrated. Yet often we don’t look back to see what steps we took to get there. Knowing how we have succeeded in the past gives us a blueprint to guide us to our future successes. Evaluating and knowing how you succeed will give you the guiding to succeeding again and again.

If you have worked with evaluation and analysis before you will know that you will need to approach it from an objective and logical process to get the most out of it. There are two ways of evaluating success.

  1. Evaluating the success in the moment
  2. Preplaning and pre defining success criteria and measuring your results.

Evaluating the success in the moment

When something happens that you consider to be a success take 5 mins before celebrating to evaluate how did you make it happen. Do you thinking on paper (or computer). We remember 70% of what we write down and having this information to hand will help you in the future. Answer the 5 following questions to guide you and write the answers down. This will give you a clear picture of how this success came about.  

  • What is the success?
  • How did I create it ? (write down a step by step list of the actions you took)
  • What did I do differently this time?
  • What outside factors helped in creating my success?* (remember to include expected and unexpected factors)
  • What is the most important thing I have learnt from my success?

*Remember we can’t always recreated the outside influences that support our success however sometimes it is helpful to know them so we can look to create the same help.

Preplaning success and defining success criteria and measuring your results.

Pre Planning success and defining success criteria makes for effective evaluation as your results are more measurable. This method has 3 parts the Before, the Doing and the After.

The Before

You can do this is 4 steps using What -How -When- How. (Again write this down.)

 

What : What do you want to achieve ? (Describe the desired result)  

How: How will you do this? (Define the actions you will take)

When: When will you take each action?

How: How will I know I have succeed (Define your success criteria* for each action)

*A success criteria can be as simple as I have written my cv or I get the job.)

The Doing

Basically you follow your plan. However if you get unexpected help or results make a note of it so you have a record.  Keep checking in with your planning to keep you on task.

The After 

Time to evaluate. Use the following questions to help you evaluate your success.

  • Did I achieve exactly what I wanted to achieve? (If not what success did you meet?)
  • Did I exceed my goals?
  • Did I meet the success criteria for each action?  (If not what success did you meet?)
  • Did I stick to my timeline?
  • What went as planned?
  • What went differently?
  • What unpredicted outside factors were there?
  • Am I proud of my results?
  • What is the most important thing I have learnt from my success?
  • What wa the most important thing I did to create my success?

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From your success evaluations you will build up a valuable store of knowledge that you can call on when you need it in the future. Also by evaluating our success it reminds us to take ownership of both our results and allows us to acknowledge our success and be proud of it. Remember too that succeeding is not just about the big things. Success is also about achieving the small things. A little thing you can do is every morning you can define that days success. On thing you will realistically achieve that day. And then when you have done it evaluate and celebrate.  Success is a minefield of opportunity for us to learn and grow. Evaluating our success not only reinforces to us that we can achieve it also guides us to how we can achieve again.

So seize the opportunity of your own success  and evaluate one of your life’s successes and inspire yourself to succeed again!

Have a great week <3

Who you are tomorrow.jpg

#lifelessons101 – how can you make the world a more caring place?

With all the snow around Europe this week normal life has been challenging to maintain. It’s at times like this that people begin to look after each other. There are stories flying around of people getting together to shovel snow, checking in on the elderly and helping the homeless. It warms the heart. But it also makes me wonder why is it only in disaster we help each other? Recently I have had an avid (and rare) tv watching spurt following my new favourite Call the Midwife. What I particularly love about it is the community stories. It reminds me of my Grandparents of how they described the world. It also reminds me of my childhood growing up in North Wales in the late 70s. There is a sense that people really cared about each other, not just in times of trouble but everyday.  Now of course this may be a case of the rose tinted glasses, but in my experience the older I have got the less I see the caring community that made the world a nicer place to be.

However I am not one to sit and complain about something without taking action. Just because I can’t see something doesn’t mean it can’t exist. In the days of yore (or atleast the 70’s so yore-ish), we had a social structure that supported caring and supported community. Today that still exists in schools, sometimes in smaller villages or charitable initiatives where within the social structure the norm is to look after each other. However if you are in a bustling city, isolated in the countryside or even just live in a street where people don’t talk to each other, you are naturally aligned to not caring about the people around as they don’t seem to care about you. However it doesn’t have to be like this. I have moved a lot in my lifetime and one of the things I have learnt is that you have to put energy into caring for others if you want them to care about you. Showing someone you care, makes them feel more inclined to do something nice for someone else and thus a chain reaction of caring can start. It takes just one person one kind action to make the world a better place, why shouldn’t that person be you?

So I have a question for you this weekend what can you do to make the world a more caring place? Be the change you want to see. If you want the world to be more caring then you need to send your caring energy into the world. The good news is caring is easy, it doesn’t cost anything and will always make the world a better place to be. And if you are not sure what you can do here are a few tried and tested ideas to get you started.

Say hello

In the countryside people still greet  each other even when they aren strangers. Does it have to be any different in a city. Say hello to neighbours, the people waiting every day at your bus stop or the people who are in your office who you don’t know. A simple Good morning can be an opening to connect with another person and makes people feel noticed and valued. Make the effort to be nice to people and the world will feel like a nicer place.

Be curious

Now I don’t mean be nosy but taking the time to have a little a chat with the person on the bus could change your day and theirs. In London last year I stuck a conversation with an old lady sitting next to me on a bench. I had some time, she had some stories she didn’t have anyone to tell so we shared 10 mins together chatting together. It was a lovely moment in my trip and she said it made her day. By being curious and connecting with other people we enrich our world.

Be kind

In welsh we have a phrase gwenwch y pethau bychain mewn bywyd – ‘Do the little things in life’ – The little things are what makes the world go round. Look for the opportunity to do something nice for someone else. Whether it’s a family member or colleague or even a complete stranger. Kindness can be big or small. You could ask if an elderly neighbour needs something from the shops, buy a coffee for a friend at work or just hold the door for someone. It doesn’t take time to be kind.

Bring people together

Community is something that is fragmented in modern western society. I can remember in my childhood holding street parties these days in many countries the idea is unthinkable. Why is it now so hard to talk to our neighbour? Or even the people we see everyday. LAst year I was in a college class in Denmark where no-one could get along even though we saw and worked together everyday. So I held a clothes swop afternoon. We all brought our old clothes and swopped. It was a little thing but it brought people together and got them talking. My step mother rallied the street to shovel the snow so that meals on wheels could get to the elderly. Sharing food, things, doing something for a common goal or simply having fun together, makes the foundation for a caring community. It just take one person to start the ball rolling.

BE generous

Now I am not talking about financially, I mean helping out. And that doesn’t mean waiting until you are asked. Look for opportunities to help. Maybe you have to take some rubbish to the tip, why not ask your neighbours if they have anything you can take for them. Helping others is a powerful thing to do, for them and you. If you have extra time then volunteering is always a wonderful gift, however equally wonderful is helping someone walking your way with their bags, giving a homeless person a warm drink, or down the stairs with a pram. We all have something we can give that will improve someone else’s life.

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If we all want to live in a better world, looking out for each other is a big step towards improvement. When we care about the people around us, we make the world better . And if we are making the world a better place to be , no matter how our life situation is, or how worried we are about the state of Trump’s trade wars or Brexit we know in ourselves that we have done something we can be proud when we go to sleep at night. Forget the good old days and make today a good day by taking that extra step outside of your comfort zone and take the opportunity to care for someone else today and see how easy it is for you to change the world for the better

Have a happy weekend <3

 

As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.