Re assess and make time for your new year’s resolutions and 2018 goals

Isn’t it crazy how after one of the most non relaxing holidays in the year January is never the downtime we really need. How is your January going? If it is anything like mine you have been buzzing round and insanely busy. I have been getting lots done to start the year and although the ‘to do’ pile is full, I feel as though I am working my way through it piece by piece. However if I am being truly honest I have been busier than I thought I would be and that is not leaving me the time I need for me. If you have read my blog before you will know that I don’t hold with making resolutions in January I like to make goals and plans  which I take action on in February. So right now in my planning stage I can already see I have to address this “no me time” issue this year. It’s great to have plans for an amazing year and self care but if you don’t have time to do it… well it’s are not going to happen right?

This got me thinking about all of you out there who made New Year’s resolutions and 2018 goals. It’s now week 5 of 2018. And if your life has gotten as busy as mine has been I am guessing that some of you are struggling to maintain the new health routine, meditate each day, say yes more, say no more or keep on that diet. No judgement I totally get it. You are not alone. Studies say that 80%  of new year’s resolutions fail by February. And there are many reasons for this however the one I know to be true from my own life is that

Unrealistic over optimistic goals + Unexpected busyness in life = me not focusing on me

And I know that I am not alone. So that’s the challenge. What’s the solution? Well as always when we look the solution is actually very simple.

Realistic goals with smaller actions needed + planning and prioritising tasks = time for me

Basically if we set realistic goals and break them into bite size actions and plan our time we create the time we need to concentrate on our goals. Sounds wonderfully logical but how do we translate this to real life?  How can we take this magic formula and make it real ? And when is the best time to do it?

Now. Here and now both in nature and within astrology we are surrounded with the energy of inspiration, new life returning and fertile ground appearing. When we Re:root with this we can see that in nature’s cycle this is not the time of planting seeds it is the time for preparing to plant. Doing the groundwork and preparation.  The world is not completely out of hibernation yet. So why the heck are we running around trying to start a million and one new things when we are not entire thawed and out of hibernation? It makes no sense. This is the perfect time to reflect and plan, without the rose tinted glasses we had on at Christmas. Just follow these 5 steps and make the time you need…

Reassess and streamline your goals

Have a look at your goals and resolutions. What is realistically achievable ? You may want to go to the gym everyday in an ideal world, but does your lifestyle allow for that? Scroll down your over optimistic side go twice a week and then start to look at your life to see how you can restructure it to fit training in everyday by September.

Make sure your goals are really something you want not what society is telling you you should want- Look at your goals and ask yourself. Can I really wholeheartedly embrace this goal right now? If you can’t then shelve it. You need to look at why you don’t want to do it rather than jumping in and failing because it’s not something you want.

Streamline your goals. Fewer goals means more energy to focus on the projects you have going on. So instead of 10 goals make 5 or 3 and focus on them wholeheartedly.

Make a step by step action plan

For each of your goals (resolutions) make a step by step action plan of what you need to do to make this happen. I call these idiot friendly recipes. You make the recipe as simple as possible so it’s easy to follow.  This leaves you with a really clear idea of how you are going to get to where you want to be,  

Plot your actions into your calendar

On your action plan add dates for completion then add these into your calendar. Set reminders in your phone. This will help keep you focused and on track every week throughout the year.

Prioritise daily

Every day as you make your to do list ask yourself what am I going to do to manifest my goals and resolutions today. Use your action plan to remind you how and do your best to do a minimum of one thing per day to manifest your goals.

Use the two minute rule

So when you are really pressed for time and you can’t see how to focus on your goals use the two minute rule.  The two minute rule is a wonderful tool,originally made for procrastinating is brilliant for working on your goals when you are pushed for time.

It works in 2 parts:

Part 1 — If it takes less than two minutes, then do it now.

Part 2 – Every goal can be started in 2 minutes or less so make a start. Take first 2 minute step

To read the full guide to the 2 minute rule go to James Clear’s website

https://jamesclear.com/how-to-stop-procrastinating

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People often feel downhearted and guilty when their new year’s resolutions fail. Don’t. No I said Don’t. Lifestyle change takes time. If you fall off the horse, ask yourself why. Learn about yourself from your failures and then get back on the horse with new information to support you on your journey. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. As January turns to Febuary the spring begins to return so use this natural rebirth energy to realign yourself with your goals and create the time to work on them even if it is just 2 minutes a day!

Have a great week !

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#Lifelessons101- Create community for yourself and combat loneliness

I am an expert at moving. Seriously. In 24 years I have lived at 50 odd different addresses in 4 countries. (Somewhere in my blood the wanderer gene is strong, my Grannie was just the same). The challenge however with moving around so much is of course loneliness. Not only are you constantly moving leaving friends and being further away from them, you are also challenged by finding new friends in your new life. Loneliness is on the increase, not just in the world wanderer community but in your workplace, in your apartment building and on your street. World wide we are feeling lonelier in general. In the 70s about 11-20% of America felt lonely in 2010 it was 45%. It’s a modern epidemic.

Now we could go into a conversation about why are people lonelier today however that is not the life lesson I learnt this week. (Well re:learnt). This week my life lesson was about curing loneliness by building community. We need community. Humans essentially need tribes. We need to be accepted and supported and we need to be able to do this for others. However I know, first hand, how challenging it can be to find our tribe, our people when feeling isolated and alone. Yet what my experience has taught me is that we can create the community we need for ourselves no matter where we are in the world if we are brave enough to do it.

Let me give you an example. In August 2016 I moved to Jutland. Once again I was moving away from a network of amazing people, colleagues and friends and heading into the unknown to live with my beloved Mr T. You would think that moving in with a partner would be enough to combat loneliness but it’s not.  (And in fact it can often damage a relationship). Knowing this I put a plan into action to help me create a new community and network in my new local area. I reached out to find the kind of people I want in my life. I started by going back to school. That was not the greatest experience when it came to the people. I found a few that I could relate to and started to build relationships with them. But I needed more so I joined a belly dance class with some amazing and wonderful women. Yet that wasn’t enough. I sat down and realised I missed close connections with both women and men that shared similar life values and also were spiritually on a similar level to me. So I hit facebook and made a few groups. I began a women’s circle in the local library, not knowing if anyone would show up. I organised a few nights playing games at our house and invited people I didn’t know very well but I knew liked to game.And slowly over this last year I have began to find the friendships I was looking for. Result I am not lonely and I have a community around me, the beginnings of a new tribe.

Now I am not telling you that it was easy. It was scary. It was daunting. And I wanted to hide under my duvet alot. However by identifying what I needed and then kicking myself up the butt to create it I have in a short time created the cure for my own potential loneliness. Now I know this is potentially easier to do if you move to a new area than in an area you already live in, it depends on who you are as a person. However I have built a strategy for anyone who is feeling lonely and is fed up with it. If you are sick and tired of feeling lonely and want to do something about it I have a recipe for you to follow. It takes a little patience, trial and error and a dollop of bravery. However with these six steps you can create the community you need.

Step 1: What kind of community do you want?

Before you go out and find/ create a community for yourself you need to know what you want. This is a time for introspection. What kind of friends do you want? What kind of things will they like? What kind of personalities will they have? Brainstorm personal qualities, hobbies, lifestyle choices your friends will make.  Also brainstorm your interests and the things you like to do. You want friends who want to do similar things to you. Shared experiences create bonds, friendships and make life fun.

Step 2: Who do you have already?

Get out Facebook and scroll through your friends. Who do you have in your network that already embodies these things? Make a list. Do the same with your work colleagues, people you vaguely know but seem interesting to you. Now check your list to see why don’t you have a stronger relationship with these people? Remove anyone from the list who you really don’t want to have a better relationship with. Now brainstorm how you could contact these people and ways you can connect with them.

**Remember** something I always say to clients who feel alone is that you don’t have to wait for people to contact you. If you want people in your life you have to reach out to them.

Step 3: Contact them

Call, sms, facebook, email there are so many ways to connect. Choose one and do it contact one of the people on your list. Ask them how they are suggest an activity you could do together and ask when they could do it. Choose something you and they might find fun. Don’t worry if they say no this time. Very often fear of rejection is what stops us inviting people out or over. If you make up your mind that you won’t ask because the other person will reject you then you haven’t really given them a chance to choose and that is not fair. If they say no remember its NOTHING to do with you. Other people have their own lives and they are equally busy. A rejection doesn’t mean they don’t like you, it just means not now. Keep working on building the relationship with them and contact someone else to do something with.

Step 4: Create the friends you don’t have yet.

When I was living in Copenhagen I realised I had noone in my circle who wanted to work on their personal development or improving the world. As I was becoming a life coach. I wanted friends who were environmentally conscious, lived conscious proactive and spiritual lives and would inspire me to do the same. I actively went looking for places where these kind of people hung out and eventually found Tinkuy a spiritual fitness center in Copenhagen bursting with people wanting to grow themselves and contribute to the world.

So if none of your existing network embodies the qualities you brainstormed then you have to go hunting. I would recommend signing up for a class or a group. I have joined art classes, viking reenactment groups, meditation and dance classes when consciously looking for new friends. Others I know are involved with voluntary organisations, politics or have simply joined a school parent teachers council. What are you interested in? Let your interests guide you to finding new friends. Eventually you will meet someone you think is interesting and then identify the activity you would like to do and ask them to do it with you. (Basically repeat step 3 with the new person).

Step 5: Creating opportunities to meet like minded people

This one is challenging. However if you dare it can be really rewarding. Basically if you can’t find a locale group, club, event that you want to go to then start your own. After 6 months of living in Jutland I found myself seriously in need once again of female friends that made personal development, spirituality or improving the world part of their everyday lives. So I went online and did some googling. NOthing. Then one day I found a video from the Global sisterhood about starting a women’s circle. So I signed up as a local group co-ordinator. Found somewhere free to hold it. Set up a facebook group and shared my event everywhere I could think of. I even put up posters. I had no idea if anyone would show up. I just had to trust the universe that I had made the space and they would come. And they did. Now we have a tight circle of inspirational women supporting each other and beginning to build some wonderful friendships.

Starting a circle or a club is relatively easy. Decide what it’s about, find somewhere  to do it and get going. Facebook is great for this. Making or joining an online group and then arranging a meet up is one of the easiest ways to do it. I have joined and created some online communities as well as the physical ones to help with the loneliness and to connect with people who share the same interests and morals as I do. And it is so rewarding if you are brave enough to dare.

Step 6: Be open, look for opportunities and dare

The biggest kit in your toolkit for curing loneliness is being open to new possibilities and daring to take them. Maintain your friendships. Feed your relationships by making them important. Look for opportunities to try new things and dare to do it. Create opportunities to talk to new people. If you struggle to start conversations with strangers then plan some conversation openers. Personally I find complementing something clothes, something they said at a meeting. Dare to try and dare to fail. Don’t let rejection get you down. Not everyone in the world is the friend you are looking for. However with 7.5 billion people in the world there are a lot of options out there so if one attempt doesn’t work try again. The more you do the easier it gets.

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This may sound harsh but being lonely is a choice. You can choose to let it take over or you can take conscious steps to not be lonely. I know it’s hard to take the steps, to stop the negative voices and fears ruling your head. However it is your life. No-one gave those voices and fears permission to be the experts. They are not right. You are loveable, fun to be with and someone does want to be your friend. You have 7.5 billion chances in the world to make a friend so go for it. It really is simple. Reach out. Create the community you need and by doing that you will also give someone else the opportunity to be a little less lonely too.

Have a happy weekend <3

Community is Selv Care forlonliness

 

If you or someone you know needs support then why not buy Re:root’s  holistic coaching voucher to get support and inspiration to create an amazing life. Check it out here!

 

 

 

What to do when you struggle to ask for the social support you need?

No man is an island, so the saying goes. (I supposed if we are being politically correct it should be amended to no human is an island.) And it’s true. We are built to work in communities. Each person on the team contributing with their own skill set to make the whole stronger, more effective and be able to achieve the desired goal. Be it survival in the days of yore, or creating the new app that will revolutionise people’s lives today. It takes a team. Funnily enough in our business lives we find this easy to accept. In our personal lives it’s a whole other story.

I recently worked with a client who was stuck and felt alone. She was under enormous pressure in her home life with a dispute regarding her children and her ex man. She had all of the practical things covered. The school knew. The state is soon to hold a mediation meeting. However my client was still emotionally fragile, thoroughly overloaded and desperately needed to talk it all out to release the emotional pressure. (Talking being one of the best ways to process emotional overload). She needed social support. You may have been in a similar situation. And although my client has a strong family, community of friends and a life coach she still felt isolated and alone with her emotions. Why? Simply because she found it challenging to reach out and talk to her friends and family about her feelings. Maybe you can relate?

Infact I know you can, because we have all been there. Infact a lot of the people I have spoken to in the last week are there right now. Some of them are stuck not knowing who to turn to and so sit with their problems alone. Some of them are bound up by negative limitations such as I am weak if I ask for help and support. Some have tried turning to their partner and just end up in miscommunicated rows leaving them feeling more stressed and alone. And some like my client just feel that they don’t want to intrude in other people’s lives. That others have enough to worry about. I don’t know how this became an issue in our society when we are genetically built to work together and help each other?

However that’s by the by. The issue when you look at it  objectively simply stems from a lack of trust. Trust that we can reach out. Trust that it’s ok to reach out.  And the trust that when we reach out someone will be there to catch us without letting us down or judging us negatively. Now I know trust issues are seriously challenging to overcome (I work on them myself every single day). However what I have found is that there are some simple things you can do which help you to both create the emotional support you need as well as learn to trust other people when you are in need of emotional support.

If you are stuck with an issue and are sitting scrolling through your phone knowing you need help, knowing you need to talk out the emotional pressure and don’t know who to call try these 4 tips to begin the process of creating the support you need.

Accepting you need to talk

We all know that a build up of negative emotions and unreleased pressure is unhealthy for us. Science backs that up. Talking helps release tension, brings perspective and is a healthy way to channel negative emotions.  If you are a regular here you know I advocate that journaling is one of the best tools a person can have to help regulate emotional pressure.  Journaling when you are swamped emotionally is a great way to figure out if you need help and if you need to talk to someone. In your journal write out you challenges your feelings (don’t worry about punctuation or spelling). Get it all out on paper. Now how do you feel? If you are feeling settled and calmer, then you probably don’t need to talk out your feelings. If you are still feeling unsettled, sad or in fact any emotion other than ok, you need to talk to someone.

Allowing yourself to find someone to talk to

Once you have accepted that you need some social support, the next hurdle is often you. Somewhere along the line of human development we have developed this misguided opinion that we are weak if we don’t ask for help. And it’s BS! Look at nature. In every walk of life, every species there is mutual support, co creation and co existing. There is structure for social support. Whether it’s in the animal or the plant kingdom, helping each other is natural. Think about how you feel when people come to you for advice or just to talk. How does that make you feel? Good. Valued. Trustworthy. A warm fuzzy glow. One of these -right? Then it stands to reason when you ask someone to help you they will also experience these feelings. In a way by asking for emotional support you will actually be helping someone else to feel good too.  So allow yourself to ask for social support and allow yourself to make someone else feel good because they can help you.

Identify who to talk to

Talking to the wrong person when we need social support is one of the worst things we can do. If we are already feeling emotional and vulnerable this will always make us feel worse. For example I once got given the advice that I should pretend to be more ill so a partner would pay me more attention (I kid you not). It did not address my needs to feel valued and important in the relationship and left me feeling more alone with my problems.  You have probably tried the classic, talking to your partner. Now I am not saying this is a bad thing. However it can be a challenge, epecially in a hetrosexual relationship simply because of our genetic differences. Traditionally men look for solutions,women need to process feelings. And often when then two clash either party will feel hurt, not heard and alone.

So who can you turn to for healthy social support? Who can you talk to? Look through your facebook and find 3 people who you feel you may be able to talk to about you feelings. The 3 people who you trust the most outside of your relationship. Think about the kind of support you want. Do you want solutions? Do you want comfort? Do you want empathy? Once you know what kind of support you want you will easily be able to identify which of the 3 people you have chosen will be best suited to what you need. Call them. Explain you need to talk. And  ask when they have time to talk. Just be honest.  

Make an agreement

Social support is something you are always going to need at some point in time. One of the best ways to know that you have it is to make an agreement. In Danish I call this a blæs af agreement. Or a blow out agreement. Basically you contact the people in your network who you know you can talk to and make an agreement. It might be an agreement to talk once a week. It might be when I send you a sad or angry emjoi, or the word talk, this is our code for I need to talk something out. You can ask the to reply with a time that will work for them, then you ring at that time. And of course the agreement works both ways. It is not just for you it is for them. Maybe at the time you make the agreement they are not under pressure but at some point they will need to talk so this two way agreement means that you both have social support when you need it.

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Of course I am fully aware that some problems go beyond the point of social support and in these cases you can ask your friends and family for help to get the support you need, whether it be a psychologist or a life coach. The important thing is to be honest with your network. Let the people that care about you know what is going on. It may seem scary however by telling them you need their support you will be making them feel valued and help create what you need to feel better. Honesty and reaching out is a win win. And don’t be disheartened if the first person you reach out to say I am sorry I can’t help. There is always someone out there who will be willing to help. And if in your good times you are willing to provide social support for others you can bet your bottom dollar you will find there are people there for you in your darker times.  Just remember “we rise by lifting others” and asking for help is the way to initiate a circle of kindness that makes the world a little better for us all.

Have a wonderful week <3

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If you or someone you know needs support then why not buy Re:root’s  holistic coaching voucher to get support and inspiration to create an amazing life. Check it out here!

Inspire me!

I have EXCITING news…..

In 2018 I am launching Re:root’s very own personal development radio program and youtube channel : Re:root Your Life!!

and I need YOU to inspire me!

I don’t just want to make my programs about me telling you what I think you need to do to grow as a person and create a conscious, powerful amazing life.

I want YOU to tell me what YOU want to know in order to create a life you love?

What is it that you like to be inspired about? 

How do you want to grow in 2018?

I have an abundance of personal development experience and tools from my holistic life coaching and workshops that have and will improve the quality of people’s lives.

Inspire me to help you by writing in the comments about the personal development advice you want to create the life you imagine.

You can also send it to me by email re.rootej@gmail.com

Thank you for helping me to support you to grow an amazing life in 2018 <3′

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The secret inspiration for committing to action – Mondays!

Happy 2018! I love the new year don’t you? For me January brings with it the inspiration for possibility. In the mid winter mid spring time of year, January gives a hint of the good that is about to come when the spring returns. Kind of nature’s spoiler if you like.  Especially as today when I look out of my window the pale, golden light, blue skies and frost dapple grass gives me a inspiration boost everytime I look outside. Even the air smells fresher! And although it was madness considering the temperatures here in Jutland I even opened the window for an hour to fill my office with the smell, spring is on it’s way.  

However if like me you do get caught up in the inspiration of the new year, you have probably started, or nearly started to commit to actions, new year’s resolutions and plans for the new you in the new year. It all seems so easy to do at this time of year right? New beginnings are around us , new calendars on our desks with empty pages and unlimited potential. It’s great. However often you might find that with all that potential once january has passed that the inspiration light for the new you, or the new goals starts to dim in February, drivel into non existent in March and by April is as real and tangible as the Easter bunny. And why is that?

Well there are many articles out there explaining this phenomenon. However summed up generally the  main challenge is committing to action. No, no, don’t run away I’m not trying to make you feel bad about it – honestly. It is easy to commit to a lifestyle change when it is all new and shiny (don’t I know that one, I have a stack of old diaries and unfulfilled goals to prove it!) The challenge is on the grey days, when the world is grey, miserable, the to do list is never ending and you naturally retreat to the duvet. It’s understandable, technically it’s primitively natural. I digress. The point I am attempting to make is that in order to commit and to keep committed to a lifestyle change maybe what we need is a constant inspiration boost to keep us on track. Kind of an all year round January feeling. Just imagine if every day or at least every week felt as inspiring as the start of the new year wouldn’t it be so amazingly easy to stick to our resolutions? Of course it would.

Now unlike in the movies blue fairies with fix it wands and happy chirpy animal helpers don’t pop up whenever we need an inspiration (and if they did I am sure we would all prioritize our desires a little differently). As is always true if we want a job done properly we have to do it ourselves. And luckily the gods (well it might have been the romans or the greeks actually )gave us a gift perfectly designed to help us with maintaining our inspiration levels. Wait for it… it’s MONDAYS!

No I kid you not. Monday is un-advertise hidden January we need. Monday is the start of every week. Fact. The day before Monday is hopefully a day of rest. Same as January.  9 times out of 10 Monday is the start of a fresh week with no mistakes in it. Now Monday’s often get a bad rap. The ugh back to work day after a free weekend. However if seen from a different perspective Monday can also be an exciting new beginning. You maybe thinking yeah right however I speak to you as an ex-monday hater and yey-monday convert. For me monday brings the January inspiration with it 99% of the time. I love Mondays. From shifting my perspective and with a few conscious habit changes Monday now brings me closer to my goals than any other day of the week. Monday actually supports me to commit to whatever it is I need to or want to commit to. Shockingly Monday now makes life much more enjoyable and my commitment to action more dedicated. And that has been the same in a dead end job, in education and as an entrepreneur.

So how to do this? How do you take Monday’s and turn them around to becoming one of the best tools supporting you to commit to action and make the lifestyle changes you dreamed of on New Year’s Eve? Here’s my guide to making Monday’s become as inspiring as January – enjoy!

Positive from the word go!

Start your Monday positively. No matter what. Stand up out of bed and tell the world “Today is going to be a great day!” I mean it. Out loud. Hands on hips. In pjs or your birthday suit, shout it out to the world. You will feel daft at first however after a few tries it becomes fun and a great mood lifter to start any day.

Plan before you peek

(Nothing rude here I promise.) Instead of turning on the phone, checking Facebook or your emails first thing in the morning, check in with yourself first. Don’t give the excuse you don’t have the time. All you need is five minutes to plan your week, see where you will make time for your goals and yourself and then get on with it. I once read that when we check our emails first thing in the morning we risk not doing what we want to do but what someone else wants us to do. I tried it and it’s true. On the days I opened mails last I was in control of my day. Open them first and I was bogged down by everyone else all day. Lesson learned. Be in charge of your day and your week, after all it’s your life!

(Oh and don’t let your planning take more than 10 minutes. 10 minutes planning is ample to kick start your week and then get off an go and do your week. 10% planning 90% action is always the best policy.)

Evaluate last week

Look back over your progress last week and see how it was going with your goals, your life. Basically check in with yourself. Drop the guilt about what you didn’t do and look at what you need to do. If you got demotivated or off track last week, what is it you can feel you need to get back your inspiration? Identify what you need and implement it as soon as humanly possible. If in doubt I highly recommend the kitchen disco as a winner. Stupidly loud Abba (insert cheesy band of choice) and boogie will bring your energy up whenever you need it. Inspiration after all is just a raising of your energy.

 

Have a success experience

 

To keep committed and inspired we need to succeed. Set goals for yourself on the monday that are achievable and measurable. Today I have writing this article, do the washing and plan my business year. So far two out of three and it’s not 17:00 yet- Go Me! If in doubt I always fall back on washing clothes, I love emptying the basket and throwing it in the machine. Achievable no matter where my energy is at. I have a friend who cleans for a success experience. We are much more motivated when we feel successful so make yourself succeed at something on a Monday.

Clean the slate and then do

Monday is the day to clean the slate. As a child I always loved the Anne of Green Gables quote “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it”. Monday is a great time to remember this. You cannot change last week. It is over. The only thing you have control over is your now. So do something. However big or small (actually preferably small) do something today that is a step towards your lifestyle change. If you do something every monday you are going to eventually make that change.

 

Mondays can be magical. It really is your choice. On Mondays you can decide to make more effort than any other day of the week to start out in the right way and give yourself the inspiration you need to commit – be your own blue farie. Now I am aware that some of you maybe have a different day when your week starts. That day is your weekly January. Using these five steps will keep your motivation and make it easier to commit to action every week and by July you will find that you are still on track with your new year’s resolutions . With the added bonus of a guaranteed, inspiring, effective and fantastic day once a week. Who wouldn’t love that!

Let me know in the comments how you have turned your mondays around

Have a great week, re:root in yourself and enjoy your journey!

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Kick start your 2018 with my Holistic life coaching January offer– available until January 31st only !!

Kick start 2018