Invite your inner child for Christmas

So people say that Christmas is a time for children. And as a busy adult trying to juggle work, buying gifts, our economy, making sure we have the house ready for guests and have the batteries for the toys that are never included and always needed on Christmas day, it can be very easy to feel that this is not the time of year for us. As an adult Christmas is a lot of work, no question. However inside of all of us big people there is an inner child who remembers the feeling of Yuletide magic and whether or not we are conscious of it our inner child desperately wants to join in the fun, without worrying about the turkey.

Today the term inner child conjures up the image of old wounds buried deeply in our psyche. Creating the belief that inner child work is a serious business and an area for deep healing (and on one level yes it is) . However our inner child is also that part of us that represents our capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness. What could be more Christmasy than that? You may not have had perfect the perfect Christmas holidays as a child. However we have all been caught by Christmas magic, winter magic at some point in our lives. By connecting as an adult with the childlike appreciation of that magic we can gently give ourselves and our souls a much needed healing without the tears.

Working joyfully with your inner child at this time of is seasonally a perfect time of the year. With the winter solstice on thursday 21st December the sun is reborn after the longest night and the dawn heralds the  first day of growth in the length of the day. Here in the middle of winter is the birth of the summer. By connecting with this energy joyfully allowing our inner child to appreciate this time of year we can connect with a magic in our lives that we don’t give ourselves during the rest of the year.

So I challenge you to give yourself a wondrous gift this Christmas. The gift of appreciating this moment in your life with Childlike joy by inviting your inner child to spend time with you this holiday. And if you are not sure how then allow your adult mind to be inspired by these ideas of how to joyfully connect with your inner child today.

Find your joy

Connecting with inner child at Christmas doesn’t necessarily mean recreating the Christmas we had as children. Rather it is about connecting with our joy. As you sit on the way home from work today. Instead of running through your to do list try to remember what it was you used to love about this time of year as a child. If like some of us the thought of childhood christmas does not invoke joy try to think about the Christmas you wished to have as a child.  Think of the things that you did or wanted to do that made or would have made you happy as a child.

Allow yourself to play

Allowing yourself to play as an adult can be challenging. We have a social construct that tells us that when we become an adult we need to be serious. Yet play is just as important for adults as it is for children. It’s vital for problem solving, creativity and relationships. Play makes us more innovative. Think how a child’s mind works. In their imagination they can turn sand into a cake made of ice cream and sausages, or blankets into magical flying capes, houses and castles. They embrace infinite possibilities without question and ignore the limitations of reality. To them a plastic doll is a living breathing being. As adults it can be challenging to get immediately into this place of imagination.

The activities we did or wanted to do as children at Christmas can be a way to restart this part of us. Choose some of the Christmas activities you remembered or wished for in childhood and make it important to do a few of them this yule. Here we will be baking mince pies, building a den and watching the snowman and Die Hard on Christmas day. The perfect combination of our childhood memories and desires, purely to give our inner child to express his and herself. Board games with the family or reading stories, making cards with a lot of glitter, going to the theatre, ice skating in the park,dancing in the kitchen to your favourite yule songs, or seeing who can wrap a present using a whole roll of tape , do what inspires you as with children the possibilities are endless.

Allow yourself to enjoy wonder

If you have ever been for a walk with a small child you know that it takes a long time. Children love to notice and explore the world around them. And what is stopping us from doing the same? This weekend I went into the snow and frosty covered garden and  Look the time to really look closely at the crystals formed on the grass. It was a moment of still magical beauty. I felt filled with wonder for the world we live in. Get yourself outside and allow yourself to marvel in the world around you. The sparkling lights, the frost in the air, watching people laugh and love each other. When we stop to notice this world is full of so many magical moments we can enjoy.

Love and kindness

Children are naturally filled with love and a desire to be kind to one another. They hug and kiss the things and people they love without question. Think about what and who you love this Christmas. Practising gratitude, actively practising gratitude is a great way to connect with our inner child’s ability to love implicitly. Writing a gratitude list is one way to do this. Another is thanking the world for our lives before eating christmas dinner. However I think that actively practising gratitude, doing actions of love and kindness for others is a way to really allow your inner child to come out. Write a letter of thanks for one you love, give a gift to a coworker who has helped you this year, donate food to a food bank and if you are able volunteer and give your time to help people who are alone at this time of year. Caring for the world in childlike compassion will allow you to feel love in it’s purest form.

Remember to laugh

One of the reasons Santa is so loved by children (apart from the obvious present giving) is because he is jolly, smiling and laughing. Laughter awakes the inner child from his or her slumber. So allow yourself to be silly and laugh this christmas. For me comedy films  and dancing around to music with Mr T in the kitchen are the things that instantly cheer me up. Last weekend I made traditional Danish christmas candy with a friends family. The table looked like a bomb of marzipan, nougat and icing had exploded. Our candy was certainly not made for the cover of Martha Stewart Living magazine but it was made with laughter. Bring laughter and unashamed silliness into your life this Christmas.

——————————————————————————————————————–

I hope you have a magical time over Christmas and by that I don’t just mean on the 24th/25th I mean now. Right now. Do something today to connect with your inner child and allow yourself a moment of joy. Everyone deserves joy at Christmas so get out there and make it for yourself. It’s easier than you think and is the greatest gift you will have given yourself all year.

Have an amazing week <3

 

Give yourself a merry little Christmas.jpg

#lifelesson101 –  The healing power of crying

This week I had a shock, a big one. It rocked the stable foundation of my world, opened up a plethora of old wounds and is still at this minute trying to bring me into a horrible depression. Needless to say it sucked balls. And yes I know millions of amazing strategies to deal with situations just like this. However at the beginning of the week when the thunderclap hit all of that flew straight out of the window and I was a complete and utter mess. The fears took over, the tears kept coming. I broke in a very soggy way.

Now I guess you are wondering how a life coach and someone who works on a daily basis with personal development can react so emotionally to something in this extreme way? Well honestly I am human. Most life coaches have experienced traumas, have unresolved baggage and fears just like anyone else. (And if you meet one who hasn’t I would  seriously question them about it). The only difference with being a coach is that when these things happen once we get to a place where we have some sense of objective perspective we start to analyse, process  and learn from our situation. Eventually we use the tools that we recommend to our clients and begin to  recover.

However how do we get there to that stage of objective perspective? Everyone is different. In my case, specifically this week I often resort to the healing power of tears. Crying some people are against it, some people are for it as a healing tool. Personally I agree with the latter. For me tears are cathartic. I am a person with very strong emotions, both a blessing and a curse. When I get upset, really upset, my body becomes so full of emotion it blocks out everything else. For me crying, sobbing even wailing in the extreme times helps me release my emotions.It’s as if releasing the tears, releases the pain physically and sort of empties me out so I can begin to cope.

10277312_829255317095481_1472951958712888974_n1.jpg

And science backs me up on this. Scientists have even found by looking at tears through a microscope crying for different reasons creates tears with different cellular structures.  Read the fascinating Topography of tears to find out more.) 

Moreover in recent years scientists have discovered that when we cry emotional tears:

  • The tears release toxins and hormones produced by stress
  • The tears released help you manage stress and give pain relief.
  • Tears improve our moods and brings a sensation of relief
  • Tears actually improve our vision
  • Tears kill bacteria
  • Tears help clear out our nose and lungs

It’s actually amazing when you look into it how good for us crying can be. (you can read more here.)

I was once in a relationship where if I cried it would anger my then boyfriend as he believed that when people cried it was just to manipulate other people to feel sorry for them.  (You can see why heis an ex right!) However on some level he was right. Crying is way to communicate to others that we temporarily can’t  cope and need help. We start as babies and carry on as adults. We all need other people and crying when we can’t cope anymore is a way to communicate we need help when we don’t have the  strength to ask for it or to speak about our situation.

Trying not to cry is very unhealthy especially for our brains, which get horribly overloaded with stress hormones and problem solving when we are hurt and not crying. Crying things out gives the brain the opportunity to problem solve without the stress.

So if you feel bad about something allow yourself to cry it out. Medically and mentally it is good for us to cry when we are hurt (or when we are happy for that matter). You are not weak if you cry. It is when you think about it part of the problem solving process and is necessary for physical and mental health.  Of course if the crying becomes uncontrollable or  happens for no reason or even starts to affect your daily activities this is depression and you need to go and seek professional help)

Another benefit I have found to crying, or consciously allowing ourselves to cry is that it gives us a chance to tune to why we are upset. In extreme cases it can often be behind the emotional upset are some deep rooted fears that are being provoked. And this is where crying becomes really useful because if you can identify the fears and begin to work with those then you beginning to problem solve and develop yourself on a really deep level.

So what life lesson have I learnt this week? Simply that crying when bad things happen is actually part of my self development. Surrendering to the stress, to the situation has freed my mind and has now identified some unconscious fears. Of course that leaves me with something new to work through and that’s ok. By processing we learn, we re:root with ourselves and from there we evolve to enjoy our life’s journey. Bad times will always come, and we we allow ourselves to release and see them as an opportunity to grow they will always get better. So next time you need to cry do yourself a favour and let the tears flow unashamedly knowing you are doing yourself and your body a favour.

Have a great weekend <3

 

Release your tearsand cleanse your heartCrying brings with it a brand new start

Put self development on pause this holiday

So now it’s 14 days until Christmas and it’s at this point every year my own personal development focus used to fly out the window with everything else there is to do.  And although some gurus would disagree with me I have now learnt to say that’s totally ok. My logic is that there is so much else going on that if you added on top of all of that new habits, new goals, new activities you are actually going to set yourself up for a fail and not succeed. This is a seriously busy time of year. Growing and challenging ourselves is already on the cards for most family christmases. You don’t need to pressure yourself even more.  

Yet if you like me are a personal development junkie, how can you press the pause button for a couple of weeks at christmas and allow yourself to slow down on your personal growth, without getting so distracted you forget to continue again after the holidays? From experience I have found there are 3 golden rules to follow at this time of year to help you to do exactly that.

Keep doing what you are doing- within reason

As much as is humanly possible keep doing the good things you are already doing for yourself. Whether it is a self love mantra, or a miracle morning routine keep going. However within reason. If your schedule is so busy in this last run up to the holidays then try and cut back on the unnecessary activities. And that’s all not just your personal development activities but on all activities that you don’t need to do. Strip back your normal routine to the bare essentials and give yourself the time you need.

Self care and hygge

Make self care and hygge (see life lesson 101 on the art of hygge  )a priority in these 14 days. By taking care of yourself, taking time to be cosy and relax you will still be working on your personal development by practising self love. And you will be in harmony with nature’s rhythm, the natural rhythm right now is slowing down and hibernation. When we work in harmony with the season we feel better. So enjoy your duvet on the sofa evenings, a face mask or a night with an old favourite film. Even though you are technically not primarily focused on your personal development right now you will grow naturally by listening to your bodies needs.

Give yourself a Christmas present

Seriously buy yourself a present however I don’t mean any old thing. Give yourself a present of inspiration, to help refocus you on your personal development journey after the holiday. There are many ways to do this from cheap to expensive. The main thing you need to remember is to set a start date after the holidays and clearly define your goal. The idea behind this present to yourself is that it brings you new inspiration for how you would like to continue your personal development journey in the new year.

I have 3 recommendations for your personal development present to yourself this Christmas

  • Set a goal to watch a Ted Talk/ personal development video everyday during the holiday.  (I find collecting them on a pinterest board helps me to store these gems away until after Christmas – here is mine)
  • Give yourself a new personal development book and when reading it over the holidays underline the things you want to begin practising after the holiday. (See my favourite list here)  
  • Book yourself into a personal development workshop or time with a life coach in the new year.  (Re:Root has a gift certificate for a coaching session in the new year- check it out here).

———————————————————————————————————————–

Two of the most important things we can do in life is to be conscious of our actions and to live in the moment. By allowing yourself to consciously put your personal development on pause for Christmas, focus on self care and by setting a goal for when and how your will restart your development journey again you will be giving yourself the chance to live in your now and appreciate your christmas with the people you love the most, completely refreshed for the new year! And isn’t that the ultimate Christmas present of all.

Have wonderful week <3

Be kind to yourself this Christmas

 

#lifelessons101 – Doing only what you can do – 4 steps to realistic prioritising at Christmas

Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat. The clock is ticking and the kids drive me mad- should be the Christmas rhyme for many of my clients at this time of year. As the Christmas holidays draw near, no matter who you are, or what you are doing there is an area of nervous tension which can, when not kept in check boil over and cause a mental meltdown.  Christmas for adults today, like any other major holiday we spend with family,  is unfortunately synonymous with pressure. We push ourselves before holidays more than at any other time of the year. Probably because we have the accountability of fixed dates. I mean santa is going round the world on the 24th December whether you are ready or not. And when we are under this amount of pressure we go onto turbo boost mode. Unfortunately that means although we get everything done we do it in a way that is bad for us. We prioritise gift paper over mental health, decorations over our wellness and the much needed self care is way down at the bottom of the todo list. No wonder people tend to crash or get ill over the holidays.

However it doesn’t have to be this way.  If you, like many of my clients, are feeling overloaded, worn down by juggling too many balls in the air at once, you need to find a way to get everything done without going insane or burning out then I have a system for you. It’s easy, you can use it at once and it will not only focus you and make you more efficient, it will also be a daily reminder to take care of yourself. I call it the 4 steps to realistic prioritising. To be honest I would highly recommend using this all year round however if you feel like right now all you balls are in the air and you don’t know how you will ever catch them this could be the holiday solution for you.  

Step 1 – Check in with yourself

You are the most important factor in getting things done. If you are not ok you can’t function at your best, which means your tasks will not be done well. Or at least they will be more difficult for you to do.  You need to Re:Root with yourself and know how you are feeling before you can start to think about what you need to do.

Every day after the first 30 mins awake you need to touch base with yourself. To check in mentally or physically with you body and say okay where am I today. A 5 minute body scan is a great way to do this. Bring your awareness into your body. Ask yourself how am I feeling today?

(Here is my favourite 5 minute body scan on youtube)

Step 2 – Define your energy level

Now it’s all well and good saying check in with yourself and see where you energy is at however anyone who knows me well will tell you for me that is too fluffy. I like quantifiable and practical solutions. So in this system we define our energy level on a numerical system between 1 – 10.

1 is so little energy you cannot move out of bed or open your eyes. 10 is basically you being Tigger. Ask yourself what number will I give my energy today? If you are on a 10 then you know you can probably get loads done on a 3 or a 4 maybe you can do 3 things. If you start to check in with yourself using this 1-10 you will quickly begin to get a sense of what you can achieve at which number energy level you are on. I have for an example a client who can do 1 easy household task on days where she is 1-3 1 major task and a household task on 4- 5 and so it goes up. I have another who has 3 goals on 1 days and 8 goals on 7 days. This is really defined by you. The more you do this the more realistic you will become about how you can use the energy you have.

Step 3: Write your to do list

It’s simple write down everything you feel you need to do that day. If we put things on paper it’s less for our brain to remember. So write the list out. Don’t worry if it’s very long we’ll deal with that in step 4.

Step 4 : ABCDF

I first read about the ABCDE method in Brian Tracy’s best seller Eat that Frog. ABCDF is my own personal interpretation of this system and it works well for my clients.  Go through your to do list and classify each task with a letter as follows.

A= Got to do today

B= Can be done tomorrow

C= Can be done next week

D= Delegate (you don’t have to do everything share the load)

F= F**K it off! (You really don’t need to do this right now or this month so put it on the back burner)

Now the important thing here is to make sure that A tasks are both things you have to do AND things that involve self care. On a 1- 4 energy day you really need to do more self care activities because this will help you recharge your batteries for tomorrow.

———————————————————————————————————————–

Theodore Roosevelt said  “ Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”, you cannot do more than that in life. This system will simply help you check in with yourself and be realistic about what you can and can’t do whilst not overstretching your mental energy. Part of this does mean that you will have to drop some of the things you want to do before the Christmas holidays.  However the benefit of doing this is that you will have a better more relaxing run up to the holidays giving you more energy to enjoy them and get the rest you so richly deserve.  

Have a great weekend and take care of yourself <3

All will be peacefulAll will be bright

What is the meaning of Christmas for you as an adult? – finding your integrity and enjoying Christmas the way you want to!

Integrity is a topic that is coming up alot in my life at the moment. Someone asked me recently what does having integrity mean to me? For me it means following my ideals, walking my talk and my inner moral compass. It was a great soul searching question and I enjoyed the teaching gift that conversation gave me immensely. It made me wonder how many of us are actually in tune with what integrity means to us? Or is it just a buzzword that gets thrown around yet we don’t really dig deep under the surface of meaning?  

A few days afterwards it suddenly struck me that Christmas is actually one point in our yearly calendar that can really help us find our integrity and re tune with that. You maybe thik How on earth does that work? Well let me tell you. Christmas is obviously for millions of people a religious festival. However for the rest of us what is Christmas really about? You ay have even been part of those discussions the crash commercialism of Christmas, complaining about early Christmas decorations or the pressures of all the Christmas events you have to fit into your already busy schedule. And yet with all this in mind you may find that you still attend the parties, partake in the crash commercialism by buying the gifts and decorate your house. Is this maintaining your integrity? No certainly not. And that’s why I say that in today’s modern society when we celebrate a festival like christmas it is an opportunity to realign ourselves into a place of integrity. If we can find our what Christmas means to us and how to celebrate that with integrity then it is possible to be consciously aware of living a life of integrity. Which that means living a life where we can respect ourselves and that is a great Christmas gift to ourselves!

So how do you realign and find your yuletide integrity? Actually it’s a fairly quick and easy process and will take you no more than 15- 20 mins if you put your mind to it. And the great thing about this is that you can do this alone or as a family, or with your partner, which helps to eliminate those Christmas squabbles we can all live without!

Here’s my tips of how you can connect with your integrity this Christmas and give yourself the best adult Christmas you have ever had.

Working with, not against Christmas (for the Christmas hater)

You know that even if you are not a Christmas person that it will still be going on around you In fact fighting it and being anti Christmas gives you constant opportunity to be negative. And who wants that, really? No-one who is negative has a truly happy life. Negativity does not serve you. Working with Christmas does not mean you have to like it. It means you will have to find a way to enjoy it for yourself. So you have to accept the fact you have to work with Christmas not against it.  You are going to have a holiday from work. People will want to see you for dinner. So make your peace with Christmas and shift your mindset from the I hate Christmas to I want to live a happier life in December.

Find your meaning in Christmas

Christmas means something different to every person. In my family it means very different things. For me Christmas is about being grateful for the gifts in my life, honouring the spirit of nature, giving and receiving gift,s as well as sharing cosy memories with the people I love. My Mum and my brother are the similar but for them they also really enjoy the Christmas TV and the break from work. My Dad and his wife are not Christmas lovers. They enjoy it by taking a break from life, eating good food and going for walks, their christmas is a time of happy solitude. Knowing what Christmas means to you means knowing how you will best enjoy Christmas.

Brainstorm  what Christmas means to you. And here let your inner child come out to play. Just because you are an adult does not mean you have to be boring at Christmas time. If you used to love snowman then the chances are you probably still do you just haven’t done it for a long time.  Include your values, activities you like. All the things you see as positive aspects of this time of year.

Find out what Christmas doesn’t mean to you.

It is equally important to know what Christmas doesn’t mean to you. For my Dad and his wife they don’t do presents because it’s not important to them, no-one in my family attends Church as we are not Christian. I however watch the winter solstice sunrise and light a candle during the longest night as this is important to me. Make a list of what Christmas doesn’t mean to you.

Check in with your Christmas activities

Now have a look at the things you intend to do at Christmas. (It’s best to do this on paper.) Make a list. Now put a ring around all the activities that are not in line with your meaning of how to enjoy your Christmas. If you can see that things you will enjoy are not on your list then add them. For example as I child I often made Christmas presents and for years as an adult I didn’t. However I love crafting. aking the presents actually gave me an opportunity to learn something new, so I have reintroduced it into my Christmas traditions.

Restrategies your activities

Now what to do about those activities that aren’t aligned with your meaning of Christmas?

It’s time to restrategise these activities so you can be true to yourself. This is tough. Some of those activities involved other people. Not doing them might hurt someone you love. Here you have to be creative. Firstly look at anything you absolutely have to do that  you can easily  rearrange how you do it. For example- Online shopping instead of the mall. Donating christmas gift money instead of buying lots of presents and asking family to do the same for you. Have a kindness advent calendar instead of a chocolate one.  

Now the harder part. Is there anything you want to completely drop? There is a family tradition in Mr T’s family where they visit the graveyard of a deceased relative. I have participated for 3 years however as I didn’t know this person I feel false. I only go to support the family and honestly I could do with the time to relax before Christmas for myself. So what to do? In this case I talk to Mr T and find a compromise. It gives the opportunity to honestly openly discuss it and find a way to meet both our needs.

Setting boundaries

Christmas dinner at you sister’s house with your parents, could be something you hate about Christmas. However your parents would be so hurt if you didn’t come. Here you need to ask yourself what is the important thing here? In this scenario you don’t want to hurt your parents. This is being true to your integrity. And this is why you will still attend. However you don’t have to be a victim and just go along with everything. To maintain your integrity you need to set boundaries. Pre agree with your parents you will only attend the day for part of it. This way you can please them and please yourself.  Plan something that you will enjoy for the rest of the day so you can enjoy yourself. If your parents would like to see more of you over the holidays then do lunch with them. Yes you will have to make compromises over Christmas however these do not have to cost you your happiness. So find your integrity, identify your limits, set boundaries in your compromises and plan energy booster after you have done something you had to compromise on.

Make sure you enjoy the things you want to enjoy

It sounds maybe strange to mention this however when we have a lot to do (and of course December is hella busy) we often drop the fun stuff. Not OK. Fun is something we all need in the middle of winter. It’s our midwinter boost and seriously important for our mental health. So make your fun as important as everything else. Plan your fun into your December. A great way to do this is to do a December month plan (See this #lifelsson101 on planning december without stress).

Stick to your choices

Now you know where you are and what you want to do- stick to it. A belief you cannot hold to is not worth it’s salt. Walk your talk and hold onto your integrity. This can be challenging in the face of everyone else’s behaviour however look at it this way. When we walk from a place of integrity we offer other people inspiration to do the same and that is a great gift to the world.

———————————————————————————————————————

The important part of this soul searching journey is to do it now. If you want your family/friends/partners to be along for the same ride then you need to talk to them quickly before they get set in their ideas and expectations. Make this Christmas one you are going to enjoy. A Christmas where you can hold to your inner truth and appreciate the moment the way you want to and you will find that you have given yourself the gift of a stronger happier you for 2018.

Have a lovely week <3

Create a Christmasyou canenjoy.jpg

#Lifelessons101 -Living with integrity – staying true to yourself in the middle of drama

Some weeks are amazing. Some are mediocre. And some challenge you to the point of meltdown. Can you guess which type of week I have had! Yep, gold star to you, I had a challenging week. And this time it wasn’t even my fault. I mean seriously. This week I got caught somewhere in the middle of a drama situation and had to fight with myself constantly to not get swept away. And what was the cause of all this ? Well believe it or not it, the challenge was living with integrity.  Or rather maintaining my integrity in a potential exploding“drama” situation.

Life loves to challenge us. It’s how we grow. And the kind of situation I was facing this week gave me many opportunities to do that. It got me thinking that it’s all well and good saying we want a life of integrity. To stay true to our ideals and  internal moral code. However when the proverbial brown stuff hits the fan how do we hold onto to our integrity? For some of us this is easier than it is for other. Mr T is completely black and white when it comes to listening to his internal compass. Where as for me, this week I was surprised to find that in certain situations I find it more challenging. Especially when there is high pressure from my emotions. In fact the emotional rollercoaster was the hardest part. It took me completely off road, in a metaphorical sense; and it was only through a lot of soul searching and good advice that I managed to find my way back to my internal compass. Realign with my moral core and act from a place of integrity.

I wouldn’t say this week has made me an expert on maintaining my integrity amidst  drama. However it has certainly given me a crash course experience on how to do my best to maintain my integrity under emotional pressure. A great teaching and test of my core values.  If you are in a similar crisis and need some guidance on staying true to yourself in the middle of an emotional drama here are the steps I took to rebalance myself. Simple and straightforward actions you can take to be sure you are living your truth and walking your talk when life throws a spanner in the works.

Seperate the emotions and the facts

For me the emotional response was the main distraction from my personal integrity.  It was not until I identified why I was reacting so emotionally that I got clarity into situation and could deal with the facts. Here for me the greatest tool is always free writing. I poured my emotions out on paper, with the goal of finding out why this situation (which was actually not involving me as such), affected me so emotionally. Some people find that talking to a neutral party as I would write to my paper helps. Emotional reactions can often lead us away from our internal truth. The key as always in responding not reacting. Take a mental deep breath. Seperate the emotions and the facts of the situation and you will have more clarity to work out how to respond.

What is your responsibility?

Knowing what is your responsibility is very, very important. In my situation I immediately kicked into fixing mode before I had looked at what actually was my responsibility to fix and what was not. Knowing what is your responsibility allows the brain to shift into black and white thinking. If you are not acting with integrity then it is your responsibility to address that. But don’t do someone else’s job for them. You only need to take action to your responsibilities. Doing the work for someone else deprives them the opportunity of growing and learning. Finding your responsibility will give you the opportunity to step back and be objective. And that is a great way to see if you are inline with your own integrity.

Define your moral standpoint

If things are a little hazy still. Define your moral standpoint. Here a great thing to do is roleplay how you would advise a friend or would want a friend to advise you in your situation? The majority of the human race tends to treat others better than they treat themselves. Use this instinct to your advantage and allow it to guide you to find your moral standpoint. When you know where you stand morally it is easier to act with integrity.

Get support

Still stuck? Then get support. The important thing here is to get the right support. Figure out what help you need and who in your support network is the person that you can trust to support you in this way. Who do you know that will speak and advise from their integrity? Then reach out to them.

Listen to your body

Our body tell us when we are living inline with our truth. Basically we feel uncomfortable if we are not. When I have a knot in my stomach I know something is up and I am not being truthful with myself. I have a trick. I list slowly and out loud (whenever possible), the problems, or the solutions/actions I am thinking of implementing; one at a time. I notice how my body responds to each statement. No reaction or a feeling of calm means I am being honest. A nervous stomach clinch and I know I am not.

Plan a course of action

In every situation in life there are things we can do and things we can’t do. To know what action to take I make a can do /can’t do list. The can do side is the things I can implement. And the can’t do is the side I have to let go of. In my situation a lot of it was about other people, and we all know we can only fix ourselves not others. So as much as I cared I had to let a lot of that go and then I focused on the things I could do.  The can do /can’t do list is a great way of identifying what we need. I discovered that I needed Mr T to take over something I really couldn’t do. By admitting that and talking to him about it I found my stress level lighter and I became more balanced. Once you have figured out what you can do make a plan of action and follow it.

———————————————————————————————————————–

All of these actions I took and it led me back to a place where I am now responding from integrity, taking responsibility for my part and listening closely to my body to know when I am intune with my integrity and when I am not. It’s been a great teaching. The core of the teaching has been that within a drama situation you need clarity to keep you on course and aligned with your integrity. Take a step back. Realign with yourself and act from your truth and you can’t go wrong.

It is easier to be proud of ourselves when we do what we know to be the right thing to do, and take ownership. Even when doing the right thing is scary, we can be brave and comforted, because we know we are being true to ourselves. And that, at the end of the day is the most important thing.

Have a wonderful weekend <3

Integrity-is-choosing-courage-over-comfort-choosing-what-is-right-over-what-is-fun-fast-or-easy-and-choosing-to-practice-our-values-rather-than-simply-....jpg

If you want to find out more about living with integrity check out my previous #lifelesson101 Finding your Integrity !