How is your life going right now? One off life quality assessment and coaching this spring (2 min read)

I want to ask you all 3 important questions :

  • How is your life going right now?

  • Are you on top of your game with a balanced, successful and sustainable lifestyle, or can you sense that the quality of your life is not quite the way you would like it to be?

  • When did you last check in with yourself to find out?

For me having the life I love means a balance between the 6 main roots of life

Personal health

Financial security

Loving supportive community

Effective success

Relaxation opportunities

Inspirational input

 

I have developed a holistic way for you to check in with yourself, assess your quality of life right now and identify the areas of your life that need transformation so that you can easily  create the life you love.

In May and June I have 10 one hour skype coaching sessions available for you to have a holistic life quality assessment. In a one hour skype coaching session you will

  • Receive an assessment of  the current state of your life’s quality

  • Gain insight into what is the perfect life for you

  • And receive an implementable  strategy you can begin using straightaway to transform your life.

These 5 one off life quality assessments coaching session will only available in May, June and July 2017 and cost £40/ 400 dkk / 54€ . So if you want to check in with yourself and the direction your life is taking this spring then email me to arrange your life quality assessment session.

I really want to help as many people as possible have a life they love so please share this mail with your family, friends and colleagues or even the random person you meet on the bus.

We all deserve a balanced, successful, sustainable quality of life it’s my job to help you have that.

Looking forward to hearing from and meeting you soon

Enjoy your journey <3

Much love

Emma-Jane

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Trust is like a marble jar (3 steps to trust in 3 mins read)

“No man is an island” is an indisputable saying. We simply cannot do everything alone. Which means that trust is central to being human. We have been doing it for thousands of years. Which should mean that we are really good at it by now, yet thousands of us have trust issues. Do you ? I know I do. In fact only 6 years ago 1 third of all Americans would not trust their neighbours.

This trust thing or rather the lack of it is causing huge problems for us humans. Both individually, in our own communities and if you look at the state of world politics trust issues  are also being played out on the world stage.  This trust issue… issue (well you find a better word I can’t!) is constantly affecting us all whether it is our own lack of trust or someone else’s.

The biggest challenge with all of this is of course that trust takes time to build and seconds to break. And once broken it can (and often does) build up to such a large issue that eventually it can affect every relationship in our lives ever. The side product of this chronic mistrust is a large side helping of pessimism and if really unlucky a topping of paranoia.

Mistrust spreads like wildfire. Look at the effects of terrorism propaganda if you need an example. It is at the core of some of the worst hate crimes in the world. At the same time on a smaller, but no less insignificant level, our children who are as always watching our behaviour, copy us and then our trust issues get passed on generation to generation. And why? Well because trust and mistrust has something to do with our survival instinct. We need other people to survive, yet this makes us vulnerable and when we get hurt in one way or another we bring up our defences and woe betide anyone that tries to get through our in built safety net- because we are actually really good at protecting ourselves (in many different unhealthy ways).  Trust issues can be so subtle. You may not even realise they are there and suddenly wham from nowhere they slam up the iron curtain and usually this spreads disaster in your life and makes you seriously unhappy and potentially very, very lonely.

However this is the worst case scenario.

Like with anything in life (at least from my perspective) how we respond to our emotions and our fears holds the key for either our unhappiness or happiness. It is our choice to react or respond. It is our choice to be brave or to hide. Now whatever it was that started your issues with trusting people be it colleagues, partners, family  or friends there are ways to work through it. Of course this can sometimes take a lot of work and therapy however that is not the topic today. Today we are going to look at the 3 baby steps towards healing trust issues, oh and marble jars.

Yesterday I had the privilege (via Miranda) to find an amazing speech by Brene Brown about trust. In 9 or so minutes Brene not only entertained me, she also gave me  what I considered to be the most complete and tangible description of trust I have ever heard, well actually her daughter did.  Brene had to explain trust to her daughter. In her daughter’s school they use a marble jar as a way of encouraging the children to do the stuff the adults want them to do. Marbles go in when the children do things well and take the out when they don’t. Brene simply explained to her daughter that trust works in a similar way.

Over time we fill up our marble jar for different people, as the jar fills up the bond deepens. We all have one a person we actually trust in this way, whether the marble jar is a little full or full to bursting there is someone.  And if you don’t well then Brene BRown’s daughters insight is going to help you identify them.

Brene asked her daughter what makes her friends earn (trust) marbles? And instead of telling gigantic stories of standing up for her in front of the school bullies, Brene’s daughter told her that her friends earned marbles by saving a seat for her, or remembering her grandparent’s names. They earned marbles or trust by the smallest of moments.

Now this got me to thinking that if  trust is formed by these moments that by actively observing and acknowledging them that this is part of the part to rebuilding trust. Look into your life at the people you know. It doesn’t matter if you think you trust the or not. Have a look at the little things these people have done to make you feel safe. (Don’t think about trust, think about how they have made you feel secure). Look at the small things. Make a list of them. You will find there are more there than you would have imagined. It makes you feel special when you notice these marbles, these small almost unnoticeable kind, caring and loving acts that people do for you. And if like me you have a hard time always remembering the good things that people do to show you that they care, counting their marbles is one of the best reminders you can have.

So the first step towards building trust is to count people’s marbles. (The things they do that make them trustworthy to you). Do this with people you feel good with and then with people you are unsure of.

Now remember the second part of the marble jar, the taking the marbles out. Well that is trust too. Because sometimes people put in and sometimes they take out. There is probably someone who has hurt you on a small level. These smaller betrayals are easier to cope with at first than the bigger betrayals. Maybe someone has hurt you and you are trying to decide whether or not to trust them again. So write their marbles in versus their marbles out. Once on paper it’s easy to see if one outweighs the other. Now have a look at the marbles out. Are there any of these that you have had an influence on why this marble is a betrayal? For example if you have had a friend constantly cancel on you but you don’t say anything but keep rescheduling is it not also your responsibility to say something about it. Trust is a two way thing, so make sure that you are not blaming someone’s actions that have broken your trust instead of taking responsibility for your own lack of action. Try and be as objective as possible and then make your decision about trust based on rational thinking than raw emotion.

So the Second step to rebuilding trust is to objectively compare the marbles in the jar and the marbles that have been removed.

For me bravery is also part of trust. In order to trust someone we make ourselves vulnerable. We allow people in which exposes our intimate nature. In can be scary as hell to allow people in. Believe me I know because although in so many ways I love and trust my Mr T everyday my old trust dramas test me and push me consciously and unconsciously. When we have been hurt it takes a lot of bravery to open up again and sometimes we will only open a new marble jar by a quarter or a cm to begin with. However if we don’t open the jar a bit more marbles can’t get in. If we want to not be alone, if we want to connect then we have to be brave. Battle scars may make us experienced but not every connection will end in the same battle, some never will but you won’t know that unless you take a chance.

So the third step is be brave enough to try and trust by opening a new marble jar and seeing what happens rather than expecting the same old story.

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As I said earlier trust issues take time to work through however half the battle of healing is becoming aware. If you use the marble jar thinking method I have described above you will become very aware of the people you can trust, the people you can begin to trust and the process of building trust with someone new. These are the first steps on the road to trust recovery one thought, one step at a time which will actively and consciously change the world around you to a better place. Just think what an amazing world we could live in if we all took stock of and appreciated our marble jar people today.

So who are your marble jar friends ?  

Trust is builtone marble at a time

Check in with yourself with a seasonal re:root and re:charge this Spring! (4 mins read)

 

The holidays are coming, well at least for those of us who live in a country that celebrates Easter religiously or commercially. And I don’t know about you but boy can I feel I need this break. The last 3 months have been go, go, go and I can seriously feel that I haven’t checked in with me, myself and I for a while. Have you?

Checking in with ourselves periodically is a great habit to get into, even better when you can combine it with a little r and r time off. And if you think about it checking in with yourself once during the seasonal changes not only gives you the opportunity to re:root with yourself, it also gives you sometime to notice the world around you as the seasons pass, rather than being caught up in all the day to day things that keep our noses pinned to the ground. The natural world is our greatest mirror, healer and teacher if we take the opportunity to look and be open to learn. The four times a year seasonal check in is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.

What do I mean by checking in? Quite simply it is taking a brief break to reconnect with yourself, a small pause in the journey of your life to see that all’s well and a recharge before moving on. Checking in with yourself is really important for you. It makes you aware. It gives you a chance to take stock, to heal and to understand. It is the difference between reacting and responding, being the ‘human being’ or being the ‘human doing’.

And it’s easy to do. After all think how often and quickly you check in with your social media and emails on a daily basis. It is just a simple to check in with yourself. Of course in an ideal world we would all check in every day. Some people do and it works wonders for the, The rest of us who aren’t at that stage yet, can choose the 4 times a year version and give ourselves an easy and simple re:boost. Simply by checking in with what I call the three most important roots of self.

  • Your Physical health
  • Your Mental health
  • Your Community health

If you think about it these three roots are the absolute foundation of our lives. Without great physical health we are for want of a better word screwed. Without a balanced mental health we cannot react to our world and enjoy our lives in a productive positive way and without a community of sorts around us we are alone to face everything and honestly who enjoys that.

So here is my recipe for checking in and tending the three most important roots of your life this holiday. It’s a four step process that won’t take you long but the great after effects will be felt for the next three months of the year, until we get to summer and it’s time to check in with ourselves again 🙂

Your physical health

For this you need to center in your body to reconnect to yourself and really feel for what you need. An easy way to do this is to do a Mindfulness body scan. It’s a well known exercise and there are many great guided visualisations on youtube so have a look and find one that works with you. ( I recommend choosing one with the least annoying voice, this makes for a much more effective practise.) In it’s essence a body scan you do just what it says you scan your body. You mentally check in with your physical body and see where it needs to relax and what it needs in a moment of stillness. (Word to the wise if you fall asleep whilst doing this you need sleep, so arrange some sleep time).

There are other ways of listening to your body for example noticing your food cravings. I always get a spring need for spinach and a winter need for fat – my waist line hates this but I feel better for giving my body what it craves when it is screaming at me. You can also research the tension in your body if you choose to (each muscular tension has its psychological correspondent meaning I have been told). The point is check in with your physical machine and if you identify a need then fulfill it however possible so that you physical being has a better time of it.

Your Mental health

Honestly you need to talk to yourself. No really I joke not. All of internal process, emotional fluxes and other transitions can give it you a chance to identify kinks. Of course talking to yourself is known as an ingredient for loony bin diagnosis (can’t think why me myself and I have some fantastic conversations)  so the next best thing is write to yourself. Take 20 mins and check in on paper Hey me! How are you? Kinda conversation. Write freely and keep asking yourself questions about your life status internally and externally until you can’t write anymore. Remember to write both the positive and the negative. Then reread it. You will suddenly get a very clear picture of what’s great and what you need to change a bit.

However you are not done. When we check in with our mental picture it can sometimes be bleak especially if you are pre-holiday tired. So for the last 2 minutes write a list of everything you are grateful for and then stick on the fridge door. Gratitude for our blessings is one of the most positive actions we can take in our day!

Your Community health

So I guess I need to clarify. Community used to mean your family and people in your local vicinity. Today our community is these people we choose to have in our circle (the modern term is network however I can never get past the fishing net image of that word so I stick with community which for me has a more balanced feel to it,you could also call this your tribe). Basically your community is the people in your life that means something and are supportive to you. Make a list of all the people who mean something to you and support your life positively. When did you last check in with them and tell them how great you think they are? Maybe you can’t do this with all of them this holiday but take time to touch base with some of them. A phone call, a lunch or a walk in the park with some of your favourite people gives you so much energy and brings you back to being yourself in a way no therapy or mindfulness can. We have after all evolved to be a pack animal.

Connect with nature

Seriously. Get outside. If you are lucky like me and have from thursday until monday go out somewhere in nature or with nature (if it’s the local cemetery go there). Take a walk especially if possible near some trees and join in the Japanese tradition of forest bathing (basically walking and appreciating nature). Nature is beautiful right now with the leaves and flowers blooming take a moment to enjoy it. Why? Well because taking time outside does wonders for both your physical and mental health and if you do this with your community it becomes a great way to connect you all. (Just leave all the phones at home)  And if you don’t believe me that it’s so great for you check out the latest research into Japanese forest bathing which states “Forest environments promote lower concentrations of cortisol, lower pulse rate, lower blood pressure, greater parasympathetic nerve activity, and lower sympathetic nerve activity than do city environments,”   (More info here https://qz.com/804022/health-benefits-japanese-forest-bathing/?utm_source=parPS)

Give yourself the energy boost you need and go for a walk this week and allow nature to recharge you.

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And after this process just let it be. Don’t worry with it or stress over it. Take time to notice and respond. Most of all have fun checking in with you! Combine your seasonal check in with some serious r and r and wherever possible some me time for absolute maximum effect. Like I said before checking in with ourselves daily is of course the most effective however I find that doing a seasonal check in gives me a wealth of insight and energy which sees me through until the next seasonal change, maintains my  strong roots and keeps me aware and grateful of the life I am living a loving.

 

Have a great week and maybe I will see you in a woods somewhere near me 🙂

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#lifelessons101 – Why people are draining you and how to stop it happening (3 min read)

 

It’s friday night, there is glorious sunshine out of my window, the wind is blowing and the garden is calling yet tonight I am simply too shattered to go out and play. I am tired. Not just physically but mentally. I am people tired.

As a life coach, and also in my private life, I work with people everyday and I love that. I love helping and giving help to self help, I love to help people grow and I love learning from the people I help and getting the opportunity to grow myself.  However sometimes I get exhausted by it. Sometimes I just get tired of people and I also get people tired. I know those sound similar they are not, bear with me I will explain. Getting tired of people is where you simply get fed of human interaction games until it exhausts. Getting people tired is where you feel drained by other people through helping too much.

The challenge is that getting tired of people and people tired is not something we usually talk about it polite society. Certainly not in inclusive Scandinavia where doing everything together is the way life is. YET we all have times where we feel like this. AND the teaching of being tired of people or of being people tired is actually a really important message for us if we choose to listen instead of being into the drama that people are just blooming annoying /stupid/insert adjective of choice, and why won’t they sort blah blah out, and why do they leave it to you and blah, blah, blah.

We just need to look for the teachings. And when you do you will find that the teachings of being tired of people and people tired are different ,yet also both have an initial underlying message. The underlying message is simple. It is that something is not right for you in the relationships you have and the interactions you having with other people. Both of these feelings are your spirits way of say “HELLO. Something ain’t in balance. Take notice!”

And the way to take notice (or the what to do about it) is defined by the individual teachings of being tired of people and people tired. I have noticed a few and these are below with a few suggestions for healing solutions. Maybe you have noticed other teachings if you have please share them in the comments below then we can all support each others learning journey.

Being tired of people:

Everyone you met is annoying and usually in the same way. I have found this can mean two thingsTEACHING: You are surrounding yourself with the wrong type of people. Your body, well more accurately your soul, is crying out to say I need to grow in a different way, these people don’t support that growth, find me people that support the growth I need.

HEALING SOLUTION: Soul search, identify what you need and call in the right people. You don’t need to cut other people off, just set the intention the the right people will turn up and distance yourself discreetly from the people that are reflecting attitudes or growth that you don’t need. If you can figure out what exactly it is that is bugging you about the people in your life it will give you a pretty clear idea of the change and growth you need .

TEACHING: The people in our lives mirror us. Which means the people bugging you are reflecting something about you, a habit that you have that you dislike and need to face in order to feel complete.

HEALING SOLUTION: Find out what it is and work with it. You can if you want to get to know the person that is bugging you, this does often give you deeper understanding of why they are the way they are and why you are the way you are. If you really dare (and I do know this is tough I have dared and also chosen not to) tell them you that they are bugging you because of X, Y and Z and that you realise this is something about your personality you dislike and that you wish to work with and begin a healing dialogue with them.

Being people tired.

People tired can be defined as never having time for yourself and yet help everyone else. I do this ALOT.

TEACHING: You are giving more than you can give you need to save energy for you and your life too.

HEALING SOLUTION:  Check in with yourself and set boundaries. Count to ten before saying yes or offering help make sure you have the resources for everything you need to do before trying to fix someone else’s life. After all if you are broken it won’t help them will it. If you feel bad you can always suggest a solution that doesn’t involve you and you find that you have helped.

TEACHING: You are putting off dealing with something in your own life by fixing someone else. after we all know how easy it is to fix everyone else’s lives rather than our own.

HEALING SOLUTION: Stop. Check in with you. What is it you have been putting off by helping everyone else? Do it. Eat that frog (not a real one, a metaphorical one …honestly! She says shaking her head.) Do thing thing you don’t want to do for you and once it is over you will feel better, Than you can help all and sundry,

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The moral of this tale is if you are feeling people tired or tired of people check in with you. In whatever extreme emotion situation you find yourself in life there will always always be a teaching you just need to look for it. And if you check in with you and fix your stuff you will be in a much better place to serve and enjoy the wonderful people in your life.

Have a restful and happy weekend <3

 

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How to create your positive life? Take action and create your hour of power! :Part one The Miracle morning (3 min read)

Thinking positively creates a positive  life. Taking positive action creates a positive life. Imagine what you can do when you combine the two!

Simply said Positive actions + Positive thoughts   =  A Positive life  

I know put like that it sounds easy and yet I can already hear your resistance from here. Changing our thought patterns takes effort however it is easy to slot into our lives. It takes conscious thought however we can work positive thought into our schedule without too much hassle. (And for advice on this check out how to create new beliefs or how to communicate positively or even take the laughter challenge!) However taking positive action means making changes to our everyday and boy do we all like to resist that stretching of our comfort zone. The challenge is that without the positive action our thoughts remain inside us. As effective as the power of positive thought is , we need to do things in the physical as well as the mental arenas of our lives to really make lasting, effective and magnificent change.

It’s basically our choice. We can take action to create the lives we want. AND it doesn’t need to be as difficult as we imagine to do that.  Actually it’s really easy once we make the choice to act. And the bonus is that once we start it’s easier to do more and more that is good for us and sooner or later you find that you are actually living the life you dreamed of.

Yes! I can hear you now raring to go and wanting the easy guide. Well in my experience it’s all to do with your hour of power.  Now in actual fact your hour doesn’t need to be an hour 30 – 60 mins of your day dedicated to positive actions can initiate the transition from you life now to the life you want. The idea is as I said, simple. You create everyday 30 – 60 mins that is for you. You time. Now I don’t mean the sitting on the sofa when the kids are in bed drinking wine kind of you time. I mean the energising, life boosting opportunity for personal growth kind of you time.

Imagine 30 mins – 60 mins of a day where you can just concentrate on you. Your dreams. Your life. Yourself. It’s an amazingly powerful thought and an amazingly powerful reality.

There is one catch. Although not a big one. In order to give yourself this experience you will have to change your habits. Preferably your morning habits. The first hour of your day is actually the most important. It is where you set up the mood, motivation and outlook for your entire day. Imagine for a moment that instead of bashing the alarm clock and roll over, you growl at the alarm slightly, stretch out, turn off the alarm, make a cup of whatever you fancy in the morning, wash your face, brush your teeth and then slightly less sleepily wander into whatever space that is yours and private for 30 to 60 mins and at the end of that time you are buzzing with energy, understanding and motivation. Raring to go for the day. And most of all happy. Now how is that for an idea?

This actually how I start my day. And it’s amazing. I love it. No matter how tired I am when I start  my hour of power I am addicted and hate not to do it. Why?  Because I feel so great after it! It sets me up for the day. It is my me time, my inspiration. And no I am not a natural morning person. Heck no! I was always a night owl.  Until the day I put working with the law of attraction on my vision board. That week I got introduced to my favourite of personal development tools The (life changing) Miracle Morning created by Hal Elrod.  In a nutshell the Miracle Morning concept is simple. Each day you wake up and spend the first 30 – 60 minutes doing activities to stimulate you personal growth, motivate you for the day and in essence gradually transform your life. Hal Elrod has combined 6 of the most powerful and successful morning activities carried out by the world’s most successful people into an easily accessible and flexible system. So every morning I do 5 to 10 minutes of my six “S.A.V.E.R.S” activities. These are silence (meditation), affirmations, visualisation, exercise, reading and scribing (journalling). (Actually my miracle morning is in the order E.R.S.S.V.A it just doesn’t look as good when written down!)

When I started The Miracle Morning I did five minutes of each and the results I got were amazing. Then my life changed a little and I found that I was unable to do it everyday. And you know what I missed the buzz that my Miracle Morning gave me. I missed it so much that I chose to get up an hour earlier every possible day to just to make my miracle morning time. I get up at 5 am Monday to Friday. I mean I used to go to bed at that time now I am up and doing yoga! Well except on weekends. On weekends I wake up and then I do it no matter the time. My house knows to leave me to it and gives me the space. I think mostly because they prefer the miracle morning me to the pre-me, who bit off anyone’s head if they irritated me before one coffee and two cigarettes. (I now have neither in the mornings.) The transformation is astounding. I have shocked myself. (And my Mum who can not get over the fact her daughter now gets up so early!) And it is infectious and additive. Even Mr T gets up and does his hour of power every day (although his involves all exercise- each to their own). The more I start my day in this positive way, the more motivated I am to keep my day going in the same direction And bit by bit my life is transforming.  Now If course The Miracle Morning isn’t the only reason my life is getting better, I am taking positive action wherever I can and whenever I am inspired. However my miracle morning really is my hour of power enabling me to do and achieve things I never thought I would.

It works for me. And thousands of others. I won’t explain it here because there are so mnay places online you can find out about it. Check it out http://www.miraclemorning.com/   or Hal Elrod on YouTube, or alternatively you can buy the book which I truly recommend. However if you don’t decided to try the Miracle Morning system do choose an hour of power for you everyday. I have a friend whose hour of power is on the train journey to work. Another who fits it in flexibly every day at different times depending on her schedule.  The point is simply that if you choose to create time in the day for you, where you dedicate time to your own personal growth and focusing on your dreams, you will be taking the healthiest positive action you can take. By making that commitment to yourself you are committing to creating your dreams and taking control of your life. You become a person consciously and mindfully living. And someone who is actively doing good this  cannot help but create a positive life for themselves. Why? Because when you consciously aim for positive action, your natural state becomes positive. And a person whose natural state is positive is living a positive life.

The math tells the truth 🙂

Positive action + positive thought = positive life

So choose you today. Choose your hour of power. Choose to take action to create a positive, energising and productive happy life. You have everything you need within the power of your own choice…

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