After talking to a Mr the other day about our role in our homes and in our families. It became very obvious that we both were having the same feeling and frustration about our lives. We both felt that we de 90% of everything at home. We both felt that every day we had to tidy up after the other. It’s especially ironic as when we moved together we dealt our roles up in the home so we both had different jobs. A perfect idea but not realistic.
However it was great to get it out in the open. It somehow brought closer. Later in the same week I spoke with a friend and she also told me that she felt the same in her house. It infact is a common problem between people living together whether as friends, strangers on partners. We all feel that we do the most and that it is unfair.
Often when we feel like this we allow the feeling to sit inside of us. It builds up pressure and eventually explodes. The worst thing we can do is repress our feelings. Physically it can’t do harm to your body. Repression builds up stress. Stress turns our body into continuous stress mode. This in turn tightens up places in our body where eventually toxins gather. (If you would like to read more http://fitlife.tv/this-is-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you-suppress-your-emotions-original/)
In short this problem is common. However this very common problem can actually be solved, with patience, compromise and a little bravery. Mr T and I talked it through. By talking it through honestly and without taking offence, we learned about the things we did that annoyed the other. It gave us the opportunity to assess our actions in certain situations. As well we got a clear idea of what the other one did in the home.
There are many different small problems like this when people live together. On a base level it is part of our animal makeup. We all vie for a strong position in the pack we all have an unconscious opinion about what is right for our pack and how we should survive or live. Luckily our species has evolved to a point where we can step out of our animal state and stretch our comfort zone by talking about these issues.
Here are a few guidelines to use when discussing these sort of problems.
- Choose a time and space where you won’t be interrupted
- Explain to the other person that this is not a personal attack but a chance to talk out an issue and find some solutions.
- Talk about your issues and give space for them to tell about theirs.
- Respond not react. Remember the other person is not attacking you but is explaining something that makes their own lives unhappy or frustrating.
- Be patient with each other and take breaks rather than arguing.
- Make one agreement where both of you have to try something to improve the situation. (Not more it’s hard to remember more).
- Make sure that the dialogue is not closed- that you can discuss this again in the future)
- Do something fun together afterwards.
Remember this kind of talk has one very important goal it is to bring you closer to the other person/people by understanding each other. As I said before it takes a bit of bravery to step out of our comfort zone however when we do it brings a release and sense of freedom.
Have a wonderful weekend 🙂